Conwal's Story

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Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#11 Post by Nëm » Sat Feb 08, 2020 2:37 pm

Conwal’s Diary:

((Written hastily, the pages are partially vet. There is a small smudge of blood in the middle.))

’There was a riot in Stormwind, just outside the Keep. I’m not sure where it started from, but from what I could gather people were unhappy with the peace with the Horde; and probably with the king as well. As I arrived, there were wounded guards lying on the ground, at that point some people were shouting there were at least two people dead. Few tried to get their hands at some Ren’dorei who they blamed for everything. It was confusing. Some people from Starlight were there, helping the wounded I think. As Syrawenn went to help Marceline and Xuviuz, I stayed behind. I wanted to see what would happen. And I doubt Miss Smith would accept my assistance anyway. Although, maybe I should’ve joined them; maybe Xuviuz hadn’t been injured, maybe I hadn’t come another step closer to losing something inside me. Who knows. I realise now that helping the young woman from Kul'Tiras had increased my confidence, even if it came at the cost of tapping into the powers again. But this day, on the scene of the riot, I felt that newfound courage leaving me.

The guards came, en masse. ”Cut them down!” was the command. There was an old man right next to me. He had clearly lost his mind, rambling about N’Zoth, the shadows, and things that made no sense. The guards came for him, accusing him of treason. I tried to say something, but I couldn’t, I just stared at them. They executed him on the spot. His blood spattered on my face and neck. ”I need some rioters to kill!” another guard shouted. Then it happened: I felt like there was lava running through my veins. I could hear whispers in a language I didn’t know but could, nonetheless, understand. I just stood there, as the crowd dispersed, and I saw some dead Darnassian refugees lying there, unarmed. Somebody was robbing the bodies of their valuables. All I could feel was contempt; for the entire Stormwind, for everyone around me. The guards we’re told are protecting us, the people readily ganging up on anyone not human or simply looking different, the scavengers looting corpses before they’ve even gone cold. So, I stood there, waiting for a confrontation. Looking back, I’m incredibly relieved it didn’t happen. The confrontation. After a while I felt weak, a wave of revulsion went through my body. I came down from the hatred and the disgust, there was no lava anymore. I ran here, to the cemetery and splashed cold water all over my my face. I tried to wash the old man’s blood off my skin and suppress from my mind what had just happened.

I want to be in control of myself. I don’t want to surrender to a demon. But it is scenes like the one I witnessed in front of the Stormwind Keep that leave me with doubt. It is accepted that people starve in Westfall. It is also accepted, so it would seem, that as long as you’re bearing the crest of the king, you act with complete impunity. But the magic I’m only still discovering is the one thing that’s unacceptable. No matter how hard I try, I can’t fully shake off the thought that while people are afraid of the void, all the monsters I’ve seen here are flesh and blood. And they carry a blade, not a sorcerer’s staff. I want, no, I need to be proven wrong.

I want to put down my quill, but I feel like I’ve left something out. It’s the doubt. I don’t know whether these thoughts are mine or coming from a place I should’ve never reached out to; from a presence I can only partially resist. As I was at the height of my episode, for the lack of a better word, I could only vaguely hear what others were saying to me over the stone. I remember responding, but I don’t really know what. I’m afraid I may have some explaining to do.

Now I need a drink. I'm shaking.’
Last edited by Nëm on Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#12 Post by Nëm » Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:03 pm

Silence

Late at night, Conwal was walking around Stormwind. He thought about how lucky he was; not because of his problems but because of the people around him who were willing to help him. If he only wanted to, he could talk. Measures to rid him of the demon were being prepared and he had full confidence in others that it would work. It terrified him, but he thought he would survive. Others had survived too. He had been convinced that guild mates witnessing over the stone how his mind was being infiltrated by a demonic presence would surely lead to his dismissal from Starlight. It was the opposite, he had found support. And, for his part, he would do everything to keep Starlight safe.

However, the most important thing were the words of a Kaldorei mage. They had an immense impact on how Conwal would begin to see his situation. The man had that suggested the talent for magic might have preceded any demonic presence; that the demon was actually originally drawn to Conwal because of it, rather than the other way around, instead of the demon granting it to him. Conwal felt like it turned the tables completely. Reflecting on the mage’s words, he walked through the Mage Quarter all the way to the outer battlements above the harbour. He stared at the sea, letting the strong winds blow against his face. The cold breeze did not make him shiver. Not at all. Conwal took a deep breath. ’Y-you have given me nothing, d-demon... Nothing!’ Silence. He didn’t really expect a response, but the silence was, nonetheless, filled with suspension. ’You h-have nothing to… whisper?’ he snarled between his teeth. Nothing. Conwal felt victorious. Maybe he was delusional; Conwal had sometimes struggled to separate his thoughts and will from those fed to his mind by whatever it was that was plaguing his body and his mind. But it didn’t matter. A little, perhaps insignificant, detail for most but right now it meant everything to him.

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#13 Post by Nëm » Sat Feb 15, 2020 2:35 am

Conwal’s Diary

((Letters are more readable to an outsider than usual. Great care has been taken with this entry.))

’I am fine. Well, as fine as I can be. I still don’t know who the people I’m living with are. I know Celia, but that’s about it. Celia. I hope she’s alright. I hope nothing bad comes her way, she seemed so vulnerable. She is ((ink smudge and an attempt to wipe it away)). Unless this is another trick the demon is playing on my mind, I feel like it was not mere accident we met. But life here is uneventful if confusing. I’m not sure all the rooms and hallways I've come across were there the last time I was scouting around. Either way, I’m tired of looking for people. At some point I have to stop, right? If they care or need my help, they will come looking for me? I can just go to my room, if that’s even my room, and calm down.

It is still weird. I have all these new insights into what is going on and what I am and I have no-one to share it with. I’ve tried to find Veyla again at the cemetery, which might be a terribly bad idea. And I’ve tried to find Reyahd at the tower. But I’m not as important to them as they are to me. The one thing I’ve learned is that other people have lives of their own. People they know, tensions they’re resolving, battles they are fighting, traumas they’re coming to terms with. I cannot help. Because I have none of that, I just stand here and hope it will be alright for all of them in the end.

It was shocking that, when I was just walking around, I suddenly stumbled into Nomine and Veyla. How do they know each other? Was this really an accident? What is she up to? What does Nomine know? What has she told him? I simply froze. I felt like an idiot; it took me a good while to actually engage in the conversation. And Veyla? She enjoyed it. She enjoyed my confusion and anxiety. I don’t know what I was expecting but it still felt bad. My only solace is that she doesn’t know what I have figured out; for magic, I don’t need her any more than I need any kind of demon. Just need Anomen and Reyahd now.

It’s also Valentine’s Day. I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for the candles on the water lilies. They were beautiful. I like the atmosphere but Valentine’s is for people who are not like me. There are no Valentines’s flowers at the cemetery. But it’s fine.'

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#14 Post by Nëm » Mon Feb 17, 2020 11:46 pm

Conwal’s Diary:

((Some candlewax stains, apparently residue from a larger spatter after it was wiped off, are visible on the pages.))

'There was a lecture about the void, apparently. I didn’t go, not because I wouldn’t have been interested, but because I feared there would be another riot. Besides, there was something I needed to do for myself. For the sake of my peace of mind.

I found Veyla at the cemetery. She doesn’t scare me like she used to. What is happening with me, what is gnawing at my soul, does terrify me still – just not the way she could exploit, not anymore. I hope people understand that. Although, if they knew I actually sought her out they’d ask questions I don’t have the answers to. ’Why?’ I can almost hear Anomen asking me. Or Preston. Or Reyahd. But I don’t know. It’s simply things that don’t take a clear shape or form in my head, that I can’t spell out. What does she really want, just coin? After what she’s put Reyahd and undoubtedly others through, why is she still in Stormwind? The city is big, but not that big. And if she’s made enemies in Starlight, why does she keep seeking them out? I don’t know why, but she intrigues me. How can someone embrace power and reject it at the same time? How did she become what she is? I know my path will be different from hers. But, then again, my path will be different from every other path anyway. I think that’s just how life is.

She mocked me, as usual. She wouldn’t answer my questions, at least not directly, but that was to be expected I suppose. I’m not really an equal to anyone, especially in terms of knowledge of magic. Or humans, for that matter. And she knows it. The conversation we had didn’t exactly put me at ease. But I did stand there and she couldn’t shake my mind off balance either. I did also realise only later something I wanted to ask her but couldn't: how to be in command, despite everything? But I guess you can’t just ask that.

Our conversation was interrupted by Reyahd. I had no idea she would be there. I was very happy about seeing her, of course, but I felt awkward at first, caught out. Oddly, Veyla did show some weird form of kindness, in her own way, towards me. She never told Reyahd I was the one who sought her out, and not the other way around. Perhaps it is not kindness, though, but something she knows now I know, and she’ll use it against me later. Maybe I just voluntarily walked in and offered her something to use, to manipulate? After all, she does seem to want to confuse us, to sow distrust.

Reyahd said our defense against Veyla is communicating, and being open. I guess she’s right. In terms of communication, something good did come out of all that: Reyahd and I had finally time to talk. I admire her. I admire the energy she has, the dedication; for a lot of things, for a lot of people. She might be making up for the shadows in her past, the things she’s been forced to do. I don’t know, and neither do I care. Good things come from the shadows too, no matter what some people might think. I asked Reyahd about her dreams. Hers are undoubtedly worse, but I also keep having these recurring nightmares. Sometimes it’s not so bad, other times it fills me with dread. It’s not for something I’ve done or gone through but something looming in the future. Baying at the gates of my consciousness. It’s the only time I can’t be in control. I wonder what Veyla’s dreams are like?

I’ve also thought about family. Couple of days ago I met a man living with his two sons in the same tower as I am. He’s the family patriarch I guess. They’ve had troubles with witches in Kul’Tiras, troubles Reyahd and others from Starlight helped to resolve. They saved them from a curse. The man was aching inside but he was very nice and polite to me. Clearly above my social rank but there we were, at the kitchen table eating breakfast he cooked for us. We talked and, I suppose, confided in each other, if perhaps only a little. So, he has his sons with him, his family. Celia, the woman I helped, was escaping from hers. There are people around me just creating theirs. I sometimes wonder where my siblings went. It’s their choice to leave everything behind for good, and it’s fine, but still. It’s been eight years since I woke up only to find Isabel gone and it must be ages since my brothers left. I do remember Johan picking me up outside the house, calling me a ’dune rat’, and then walking away. It’s almost comical now how I thought then he was going to the fields. The fields were at the opposite direction.'

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#15 Post by Nëm » Sun Mar 01, 2020 10:46 pm

Westfall, six year ago.

There were a lot of them; Conwal peered out of the small window and counted at least 12 torches. It had been a close call on the beach and it was really a miracle they had managed to flee and hide. The gnolls were agitated, screaming and roaring at each other. They had gone too close to the gnolls’ camp and had been force to hide inside this small abandoned farmhouse. He sighed and looked at Gisa. The young woman was smiling. She was enjoying it, the adventure and the thrill of the escape. For a fleeting moment Conwal thought about their differences: she was here because this was something she relished and embraced, while he was here just because of her – like so many times before, Conwal just followed her. He shrugged to himself, it was what it was.

Suddenly there was a loud commotion outside. They both sprung to the window. One of the gnolls had drawn their axe to settle a dispute with another member of the warband. As they were both trying to get a glimpse of what was happening, Conwal could feel her breath on his face, her cheek almost leaning against his. After a while, a third gnoll intervened and the situation was soon de-escalated. Gisa glanced at Conwal and pulled away, moving back to sit in her corner of the attic.

They waited. Finally the gnolls dispersed. Gisa went back to the window to see where they had gone. Conwal hesitated, but finally did the same. As he leaned slightly forward to look out, he carefully placed his hand just next to hers, their fingers touching each other. They stayed at the window for a little longer than was necessary. Finally, Gisa slowly moved away from the window back to her corner and smirked. ’I suppose we’re staying here for the night, again.’ Conwal nodded as he was laying his cape on the floor.

It was night. Conwal was staring at Gisa across the attic. She slowly opened her eyes. ’Conwal, what is it?’ He swallowed. ’Gisa, I...’ The young woman crossed her arms and sighed. ’I’m 19, Conwal. I’m leaving this place. You’re 16. What could you possibly do?’ Conwal turned away, wrapping himself in his cape. ’I... know, i-it’s fine.’

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#16 Post by Nëm » Mon Mar 02, 2020 10:54 pm

The Healing.

Conwal was feverish. He was in pain. His dream had him falling through an infinity of stars. He tried to scream but nothing came out of his mouth. Absolute silence. Absolute horror.

’You may wake up now. It is alright’, a voice told him. It was a pleasant voice: calm, articulate, and reassuring. Conwal cautiously opened his eyes. At first, he only saw the treetops and the night sky. He was shivering. Conwal turned towards the direction of the sound. He saw a pair of platemail gloves lying on the grass next to a tome. ’You may feel weak for a while, but I can assure you that in time, your recovery will be complete’, the man continued. ’You cannot infect anyone anymore and the blisters will disappear over the course of the next weeks.’ Conwal looked at the man: he was in his late fourties, with greying hair and beard. He wore a heavy armor ornamented with holy symbols. ’Just take it easy for now, alright? Oh, and its Inquisitor Reinward Beckett. What is your name son?’ ’I-I’m C-Conwal, sir. Conwal… Thomas. D-did you… d-did you say Inquisit-’ With a smile on his face, the man cut him off. ’It is a title, Conwal. You can call me Reinward and I am not here to investigate or accuse you.’

Conwal got up from the ground and sat with his hands around his knees. ’W-what happened? I was o-on the b-boat… and then… did you h-heal me?’ The paladin kneeled next to him. ’Yes. I was in the harbour because a group of sailors had encountered certain kind of monsters from the void that required my attention. Then you lot showed up. It looked like your comrades were quickly losing you so I insisted that they would let me help.’ Conwal slowly nodded, he only remembered getting on the boat as they left for Stormwind. ’T-thank you sir, that was… m-most kind of you.’ Something seemed to bother Conwal. He scratched his neck and looked to his feet. ’Listen Conwal. I told your comrades what I am telling you know: I do not care what happened or where you contracted such a vicious disease. If my silence and my ignorance on the matter was what was required to see a fellow subject of the crown to be saved, then so be it. If, at a later time, you lot feel like letting me on what happened, it is great. If not, there are other shadows in this kingdom and beyond for me to exorcise.’

Conwal nodded. He got up to dust his clothes but suddenly stopped and gave a confused look to the paladin. ’Oh, I had your clothes burned, just in case’, Reinward explained. ’I know those are not the perfect fit but it was all I could arrange on such a short notice’. ’It’s fine, they’re nice’, Conwal replied as he put his hands in the pockets of the trousers two sizes bigger than he was. ’About your other problem...’ Reinward gave Conwal a meaningful look. Conwal shrunk visibly. Was it really so obvious to everyone? ’Y-yes…?’ The man gave him a reassuring smile. ’Tell me it is being taken care of. Your mind is breaking. In your nightmares you screamed so loud the birds fled from the nearby trees.’ Conwal hesitated. ’Y-yes, i-it is. W-with witch hunters and… a p-paladin.’ He did not want to mention Reyahd and Anomen, just in case. The paladin was clearly pleased. ’Very well then, I am glad to hear that. I suppose you want to go home and rest some more.’ Conwal nodded again. ’Yes… I-I’d like that.’ Reinward offered his hand for a shake. ’Farewell then, Conwal Thomas. Remember to change the bandages tomorrow.’ ’G-good bye, sir. And thank you. Y-you s-saved my life.’ The man smiled ’You are most welcome. Do not worry about being in my debt. I merely did my job.’ Conwal bowed slightly as he shook the paladin’s hand and turned around to leave. ’Oh, and Conwal, its power does not depend on whether you believe in it or not.’ Conwal stopped. ’B-believe in… what?’ ’The light, young man. The light.’
Last edited by Nëm on Mon Mar 16, 2020 10:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#17 Post by Nëm » Mon Mar 09, 2020 11:50 pm

Conwal’s Diary:

((Every letter is exceptionally carefully drawn, retaining the same angle and size.))

'I’ve sort of tried to avoid people, including people from Starlight. I know I shouldn’t because, being in the guild, I should trust them and they should trust me. But I was at the guild meeting a week ago and that’s it.

I feel embarrassed for two reason: first, being hit by the plague and second, losing control in that tunnel. I knew I shouldn’t have gone there with others, but I wanted to be useful. And once we got there, of course, of all the people, I am the one being hit when those weird cultists threw vials with that plague at us. It burned a lot, I threw my shirt away but it didn’t help. It was incredibly painful.

Chit was very nice and she gave me some medicine to drink and also poured some kind of healing potion on my shoulder and arm. I think she may have saved my life, but I haven’t thanked her. I’ve been too scared to talk to her. I’m such an embarrassment.

Looking back, I simply gave in to the demon when we were in that cave. My skin was burning and my mind was absolutely crushed at that point. I saw others fighting with the cultists but I also saw Reyahd falling to I don’t know where. For a while she was not with us anymore. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t see her like that and I couldn’t see others putting their lives in danger while I was just on the floor, like a child, sobbing. If I’m honest, the presence that has been haunting me didn’t simply take over – I wanted it to take over. I let it in and I embraced it.

After giving in, I killed someone, I think. I still find it hard to believe, but I guess that did actually happen. I scorched a cultist, I set them on fire. I didn’t think, I just acted – or something told me to act. Now I can’t help thinking about that person. Sure, they wanted us dead, but had they always been like that? What made them turn towards that cult? Were they alone or is there a family somewhere? If I had asked them, what would they have told me about their motives? I guess I will never know.

Speaking of knowing, Veyla asked me once if I hated her. I told her I didn’t know enough about anyone, her included, to hate them. People do not share their lives with someone like me. Recently, I’ve begun to think more and more about the other side of that same notion; the fact is that I don’t know enough about people to love them either. Even if I desperately wanted to. And sometimes I think I do but then the rug is pulled from beneath my feet. Liking someone because they’ve been nice to me is not friendship, it is dependency.

Why this thought torments me is because some time ago, I was talking with Anomen and he casually mentioned that Ravian, the man in charge of the guards at the tower I’m also staying at, is Reyahd’s lover. Or they’re an item anyway, I don’t know about the details. I was shocked. Anomen teased me of course, thinking I was jealous. But that’s not it. No. But am I being really selfish thinking she should’ve told me about it? Despite not having experience to speak of in such matters, I’ve always thought one’s significant other, spouse, or partner in one way or another would be one of the most important things to tell about to your friends. Reyahd has kept this from me while Anomen talked about it as if it was common knowledge. And I thought we had confided in each other – I mean, I certainly had in her.

We met at the Stormwind Cemetery with Reyahd by accident the other day. I wanted to ask her about this, but I didn’t have the courage.'

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#18 Post by Nëm » Mon Mar 16, 2020 10:24 pm

Conwal’s Diary:

((On top there are larger than usual letters which simply state ’DO NOT READ MY DIARY, PLEASE!'))

'Isabel’s grave. Sergeant Isabel Thomas, died a year ago. All the times I’ve walked around the cemetery, sat there, talked, despaired, thought, and dreamed, she’s been lying there. Granted it’s not exactly a monument, but I still feel bad for not knowing about it earlier. Her grave. I told Reyahd about it and she was a great comfort, I’m glad she was around when I found it. I also told to Ellbry and he said his friend Augustus could perhaps help to find out what had happened to her. Augustus is a soldier, and he seems like a decent enough man, so I might actually ask him.

Other than that, things were quite calm. My dreams are feverish, but somehow believing they will end one day has helped me to cope. I say cope, because that’s what I do; haul cargo at the docks and keep to myself, for the most part. I was at the guild’s meeting yesterday and enjoyed that, but that’s about it. I met a new Starlight member, a woman by the name of Ruby. She knows Reyahd and it turns out she is somewhat involved with one of the Marwanus’ family! The one I haven’t even met. How many entrances does a tower even have?

I did write above that things were quite calm, because that, and the keeping to myself part, changed tonight. I was finishing my shift at the docks when I saw Veyla. I really wanted to know what her dreams were like. The conversation didn’t exactly go as I had planned. I think conversations often don’t go the way I have planned, even less so with Veyla, but this was something completely different. She wouldn’t tell me about her dreams or nightmares but suggested that there would be things to smoke and drink to soothe the nightmares. In my experience drinking usually leads to more nightmares, but then she suggested there are people to talk to about such things.

Veyla seemed a little nervous, I think, as if waiting for something to happen. And I never learned anything else about those people she talked about, because there turned out to be something to be nervous about, I suppose: Nomine intervened, telling me not to trust her and that there were other ways for me. First he talked to me over the stone as if he’d be inside my head or hearing the conversation, somehow, anyway. For a while I thought he was, or that there was magic involved. Or that they staged it with Veyla for reasons beyond me. But then he appeared in physical form from the shadows. I’m such an idiot. Of course. I didn’t have much to say in the conversation that followed, but they seemed to enjoy it. After Nomine had left, we both seemed to think the other one was involved in a setup, I guess. I told Veyla we couldn’t be seen talking to each other and she stormed off. Why do I suddenly feel bad for her? Is this a game of hers?

Later on I had to find Nomine and try to, I don’t know, explain. To explain to him that it is about this dark presence. Anomen or Reyahd, I can ask them, but Veyla I have to study. It’s not just about her trying to trick me, though I now bet that could happen too, but I actually try to observe her, get deeper. I think Nomine understands it somehow. Or at least he thinks I’m not a threat. It’s really hard to tell what he thinks or believes in. It’s as if there would be a thick smoke surrounding him. He suggested an exercise: I should try to get to the details of what it is that plagues me, describe it as well as possible. And write it down. I promised I would try. But it’s not going to be easy.

We were supposed to meet with this paladin, Reyahd and I, the one who’s going to help me. But I just, I don’t know, got lost in somewhere. Then Reyahd learned about my meeting with Veyla and it was all very confusing over the stone. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. I’ve tried to find her to talk to her, but I can’t. What’s wrong with this place? I’m not an architect or a stonemason but I would’ve thought a tower can only grow in one direction.'

Nëm
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Re: Conwal's Story

#19 Post by Nëm » Mon Mar 23, 2020 5:39 pm

Solitude

Conwal surveyed the cottage, from the cracks on the floor to the beams that supported the ceiling. It was small and ascetic but, then again, he wasn’t expecting visitors. A table, some chairs, a small bed, and a fireplace. He didn’t need anything else right now. He had his notes and his books. This wasn't part of the journey as he had envisioned it, but it was a turn that forced itself on him. ’It’s perfect. Thank you’, he nodded. The man stood behind him at the door, switching weight from one foot to another nervously. He was in his fifties, though his sparse grey hair and the deep furrows on his forehead made him look older. ’Don’t mention it. I would’ve left anyway. I need some distance from all this, you know? Feral wolfmen, undead… spiders. By Light, the spiders! I’ve simply had enough, I’m finally moving to town.’

Conwal did not reply. He crouched down towards the fireplace. With a small, barely noticeable wave of his hand the logs were completely ablaze. The man grabbed a piece of cloth from his pocket and wiped his forehead. ’So… I guess I’ll be off then. Unless there’s something you need?’ Conwal got up, still looking at the fire. ’No, that will be all.’ The man nodded. His face was red, but he was grateful and relieved. He had a horse and a carriage waiting outside, ready to go. ’Are you… like, you know, sure you’ll be alright here though?’ Without turning to face the man, Conwal replied: ’Oh, I’ll be fine. Please close the door on your way out.’

The man bowed and hastily departed. Conwal had his eyes still fixed on the fireplace; he watched the flames devour the pile of wood and his lips twisted into a brief smile. ’I’ll be just fine.’

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