Ellbry's Log

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Ellbry
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Ellbry's Log

#1 Post by Ellbry » Wed Nov 27, 2019 4:27 am

Dear diary... Actually, I don't want to call you diary so I'm going to think of another name. But before all of that, I think that I ought to tell you that you are my second diary since I moved to Stormwind earlier on in the year. The other one who I named Clarence was too full of sadness about things that happened so I decided to throw it in the fire.

Yes, yes I know what you are thinking. 'Don't throw me into any fires!' don't worry, I'm not planning on writing anything sad in you so no fire throwing will happen... Hopefully. I mean that I will try really hard not to, but I might just give brief parts in order to go over something else... But I promise to try and at least write more positive things than bad, unlike the other one.

I wonder if it's weird to call you Philias... He's my partner you see and you'll likely feel his name written a lot inside you... Oh maybe that is a bit strange... I tend to like giving things lady names anyway, they are more delicate. Oh, I know, I'll call you Rose. Roses have a significant role in my life at the moment. I'm in love with a Gilnean rose, for one... But I'll dedicate my next entry to how we met and the other lovely people that I met after.

Oh dear, a full page already. I'll be back another day to write that tale in you.

Ellbry
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Re: Ellbry's Log

#2 Post by Ellbry » Sat Nov 30, 2019 11:17 pm

Dear Rose,

I know that I said I would write to you about how Philias and I met. But the most embarrassing thing happened to me today! I decided to treat myself to a spa day, you know... Hair trimmed, facial, nails filed and... Other things. It was all going so well until I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and went SPLAT! Right into one of those yucky mud baths! Not long after I was telling Anomen about how much I disliked being muddy. I was covered from head to toe in mud, I must have looked like some kind of a mud monster!

To make matters worse, when I finally got out of the bath, which was very tricky because being covered in mud makes you very heavy! I was trying to get away as quickly as possible and THEN I crash, bang, walloped into the hairy naked bottom of a rather large man. You might think that's where it ends, but oooh boy does it not!

The man ended up crashing into the massage table which knocked the oil trolley over and coated the floor in a slippery mess, which... Yep. You guessed it! I slipped on and landed on my back. EVERYONE was having a good old laugh... Well... Not the man I bumped into, he's now got a very dirty bottom and it looks like he whoopsied himself! I must admit THAT part was funny. But the mud wasn't fun, nor was getting it off.

But I'm clean and safe back home now, waiting for Philias to come home and see what he's going to be like. He warned me that he might be drunk, so I'm on standby to take care of him. Oh! I also need to bake some biscuits for a new stone voice that belongs to a lady called Lumi. She sounded nice and it'll be fun to see her in person. But I do wonder where Jingtei is. She's also a friend!

I'll write about Philias a bit more another time.

Ellbry
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Ellbry
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Re: Ellbry's Log

#3 Post by Ellbry » Tue Dec 17, 2019 4:46 am

Dear Rose,

Looking at the date since I last wrote inside you, it's been a while and I still haven't written about how Philias and I first met.
Sorry about that, this month has been a very busy time. A lot of work has been carried out over the last few weeks with the run up to Winter's Veil and I have been looking after Philias after he sustained injuries after a mission. I know that I said that I wouldn't write anything sad in you, but I feel guilty and that his injuries might have been prevented if I hadn't given him the rifle that he was using.

Honestly, perhaps it is my fault. I try and do good gestures for people and they quite literally blow up in my face. I know that if I asked Philias or told him how I felt, he'd tell me not to blame myself. But I can't help but feel responsible in some way.

It was scary, but at least I have a blind and deaf... Hopefully temporarily Philias as opposed to a brain splattered on the ground Philias and that is the main thing.

I've stopped working, I could do with the break anyway, but Philias is vulnerable and as much as he hates it, he needs me there to help him. He feels bad about it, but he shouldn't. If I was in his situation then he'd do the same for me within a heartbeat.

Besides, I know what it's like to have your sight taken from you and to be starved of your independence. I'm going to make sure that life goes on as normally as possible for Philias. We're even going out for a run tomorrow... I say tomorrow, but in a few hours. Dawn will be upon us soon and I can't sleep. Maybe the run will wear me out enough so that I can have a nap later.

As I sit here, Philias is sleeping next to me. He is so incredibly cute when he's asleep, but his face fuzz is growing due to not being able to shave. He said that he might grow a beard and although I told him that he can grow one if he likes... I'm not actually sure how I'd feel about it. I'm not very good with change, but Philias doesn't judge me for my funny ways and has helped me cope better, so I might be fine.

I keep finding myself looking at him, whispering and sending out pleas to whoever may be listening to bring back his sight, at least. He has done so much for the orphans of the city and I want so much for him to be able to see their little faces when they see the gifts that he made for them. If I could have anything in the world, it would be that. I would even give up the sight of one of my eyes so he could have that. There probably is some kind of spell to make it so... I'm going to look into that tomorrow and keep the idea close as a back up.

I have hope though... It might take some time, but Philias will see again. One way or another.

My hand and arm aches now, so I'm going to put you away and try to sleep before Philias stirs. Who knows, maybe he will have a lie in today. Next time I will write more about how we met, because it's important and one of the best days of my life.

Write in you soon!

Ellbry.
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Ellbry
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Re: Ellbry's Log

#4 Post by Ellbry » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:01 pm

Dear Rose,

It turns out that I'm not very good at writing things inside you. It's not as though nice things haven't happened... Because a lot of GREAT things have. I suppose that I'm just too busy living my life to really take the time to stop and reflect on what has actually happened.

Okay, so... Since I last wrote... Philias got better, which is the most important thing that I am likely going to make a note of. Regular bits of steady healing over the space of a few days resulted in his sight and hearing coming back. It was such a relief. I mean... I would have stuck with Philias no matter what, but it was difficult for him and so... Well... Now he can be the strong independent man that he was before who needs the occasional tickle behind the ear and the odd sweet treat baked for him. No, no. There is more to him than that and we are a team, a good one from what I have learned over the last two weeks.

Oh! We managed to give the children of the Orphanage their presents and Philias could see! The expression on his face when he saw just how much joy the gifts he made them gave. I am going to treasure that memory and look back on it whenever I get sad. BUT the gift sending out wasn't possible with some of the lovely members of Starlight who helped to make some lovely and... Glittery...Ehm... Not so lovely but the thought was there, stockings for us to fill with toys for the children. The ones that couldn't sew came to assist with other bits and bobs and to give a bit of company. It was nice, especially since Philias was blind and deaf and miss Lia helped him as well as miss Leena so that I could get on with making some stockings myself.

We also moved into a much bigger house and I surprised Philias with two young dogs that I adopted from a friend of a friend. Yep, that's right... I adopted dogs... I'm actually allowing fluffy, hair shedding -... Wait that's Philias. But in honesty I never thought of myself as someone to keep pets, let alone two dogs.

But Philias decided to retire from his combat and he was a bit down in the dumps about it, so I decided that something needed to be done to keep him occupied and that's how Audrey and Baxter came into our lives. We've only had them for three days and I can see how they bring an extra spark to his life. He is so good at looking after them and it makes me wonder what he would have been like if he ever became a father when he was younger. I mean, I suppose he can still become a father at his age, but not with me because I'm a man and I don't have the correct bits for making a baby-... Nope, I'm not writing any more about that, it reminded me of a brief disturbing conversation that I had with Anomen.

We have skirted over the topic of adopting children, we have the space for it now... But maybe in a few months time. Despite feeling as though I've known him forever, we've not been together that long. We kind of just clicked into place like puzzle pieces and sometimes I ask myself how I got so lucky. I just hope that this luck doesn't run out.

ANYWAY I think that I need to write something happier. Jingtei hosted a snowball fight event which was fun, though I slipped over on some ice. It was good to see members of Starlight out of the city and enjoying themselves with good clean fun. Stoen - he's I think he's the only male gnome in the group. He's cute, at the event he wore all white which reminded me of a snowball.

Some not nice things happened, but we're not going into detail about those past saying that those things are mostly better now. Ana seems okay after her ordeal, Rey does too and I even saw miss Fio yesterday which was nice. Philias hosted another Lady Dog and Stitch so a few people shared the experience with us. Jingtei didn't come which was a shame, but Shienlao gave me a hug and she hugged me a bit like the special hug that Jingtei and I have which was nice.

I think I offended Lumi though, she was talking about an-... Oh. Nope, I'm not talking or thinking about that, otherwise I'm going to be sick again. Oh, uhm... It was a nice evening and I hope that Preston gets a nice gathering of people at his card game. Philias mentioned baking a pie as a grand prize so I suppose that'll be done on our lazy Sunday. You know, I never knew the joys of having a lazy Sunday until meeting Philias. He has shown and opened my eyes up to so many good things.

I hope over the next month I can meet with people I've not seen as much of lately and finally meet that mister Verne and his father. I haven't talked to many dwarves but we're a similar height and I kind of feel a teeny bit uncomfortable. I suppose that I'm just used to being around people who are generally taller than me.

But speaking of good things, all good things must come to an end in order to make room for more good things and on that note I'm going to stop writing in you for now because golly gosh I've written a lot and my hand hurts.

But Philias if you ever read this, know that you are a naughty boy and that I love you!

Ellbry.
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Ellbry
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Re: Ellbry's Log

#5 Post by Ellbry » Sun Jan 12, 2020 5:36 pm

Dear Rose,

I am writing inside of you as means to try and distract myself. I have been struggling quite a lot today and... Oh fudge it, this isn't going to work.

Ellbry
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Re: Ellbry's Log

#6 Post by Ellbry » Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:06 am

Dear Rose,

I know that I said that I wouldn't put any bad things inside you. But... I really need to write it somewhere, because I feel that it'll just take over my thoughts and I can't talk about it to anyone else so, you're my only shot!

The past few days have been... Strange to say the least. I have been mostly keeping busy with work, or venturing out to see friends and whatnot within the city and spending time outside of the house with Philias. Though he went home earlier than me, things were off. With him, they have been - you know when you just feel something in your tummy that screams 'something is not right here.' well I had that kind of feeling, which is much different compared to the usual fluttery tummy of butterfly wings that I usually feel when I'm around him -

Anyway! He went home, so I decided to roam the city in order to just give him some space. I was talking to a friend called Quentin - we met after he complimented the lantern that Philias gifted me-.. Oh, I'm rambling a bit.

We were sat talking and there was a fisherman going around shouting that he had fresh fish for sale and let me tell you, missy! They were not fresh in the slightest! I was already a bit fluffed off with the Philias thing and the man wheeling the stinky fish near me just ticked me right off! So I yelled at him and told him that they weren't fresh.

Booooy do I wish that I didn't. He came towards Quentin and I asking which of us yelled it. Though Quenny, bless him. He said that it was him. But I thought 'nope, you can't hide behind him, that's not fair!' so I owned up to it AND we both got rotten trout thrown onto our laps. Eerk. That didn't sit well with me and I instantly vomited as soon as the fish landed on my lap. Right back at the fishmonger!

That lead to a lot of unpleasant things, but it ended up okay because Jingtei found me and helped me home, she was really uncomfortable with the entire situation, so was I really, but she was my heroine that evening. It just goes to show that not all heroes wear plate and some of them look fabulous, quite frankly.

She made sure that I got in okay, then when I was spilling my guts up in the toilet Philias came and was there to comfort me and help me get upstairs to have a wash. Though there was something strange with him. He had been crying, he told me a few things, about his worries and his fears. He decided to retire and I think he's regretting his decision. I told him that he didn't have to retire- I mean it was his idea to do it in the first place. It's not up to me to tell him what to do. But I think he's worried about putting me into a situation where I have to look after him again. Not that I minded the situation aside from it being difficult for Philias, but... I don't know. Hopefully he knows for definite that I didn't say that he ought to give that life up.

What else has been happening, oh yes. New members of Starlight. They seem okay, I've mostly talked to Mister Atterton who seemed nice, though he had a spot of bother. It's all sorted now I think. I'm not sure what to think of the new lady yet. Conwal! He seems nice, quiet, but nice. I think he had a rocky trip before joining us. I haven't heard that much about his story, but I'm trying to make him feel as comfortable and welcome as possible.

I am writing a lot, but I still want to go on. Philias has gone on a camping trip with Augustus and I can't sleep. In honesty, I'm scared. There has been a lot of talks about pirates and murderers in the city and it frightens me. We did meet a Kaldorei called - Uhm... I forgot, but Philias called him 'Elftits' because his pectorals were on display - I may or may not have spotted them when I was looking at his outfit and he caught me -... I was surprised. It's not every day an outfit has a peeka-pec gap! Anyway! He offered to be my bodyguard when I'm wandering the city without Philias and I might take him up on that one day.

You wouldn't believe me, but I actually have two dogs in bed with me. Don't tell Philias! Though I suppose after last night, I need a bit of company. I had a nightmare you see, I woke up with a start and looked around for Philias, but he wasn't there. So then I looked around the house for him and he was in Augustus' bed with him. I don't know why they were both in there, but it did smell of alcohol and they were both clothed, so I think it was a drunken falling asleep. I tried to wake Philias up, but his reply was to just tug me into the bed so I was in some kind of fuzzy sandwich! Audrey and Baxter were also on the bed so I was very much the odd one out.

It was all going well until somewhere in the early hours of the morning and me forgetting where I was - ...Well.. My sleepy head thought that I was in our bed and that it was just Philias and I. -... Uhm... Well. I mistook Gus for Philias and gave him a cuddle and then... I kissed him on the nose. This surprised Augustus because he fell out of the bed and me still thinking it was Philias, I shouted out his name in alarm and heard the most terrifying snarling growl coming from behind me.

I hadn't heard anything so scary before, I fell out of the bed myself and widdled myself because I was so scared. It turned out that it was actually Philias! My head was so confused and I just curled up into a ball whilst Augustus calmed Philias down. It worked and my Teddy bear was back to normal. He was so terribly sorry and explained to me why he was like that. The poor man has been through so much and hearing about the murder and how the Ren'dorei are being treated in the same manner as the worgen were when they first arrived in the city, put him on edge. He thought that I was shouting for him because I needed his help and the growly snarl was warning to whoever was trying to hurt me.

I know that he would never do anything to hurt me, not intentionally and he was very apologetic. He even came up with breakfast for me to eat in bed! Yep, I'm getting used to breakfast in bed. In fact I'm getting more comfortable with other icky things that I couldn't cope with before. But only to a moderate extent.

Bum fluffs, I have loads more that I want to write, but my hand hurts and my eyes are getting heavy. I'll try and write in you later.

Ellbry.
xxx

Ellbry
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Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:19 pm

Re: Ellbry's Log

#7 Post by Ellbry » Mon Jan 20, 2020 7:41 am

Dear Rose,

I hurt and I'm confused. I know, I know! I'm not doing a good job of writing only nice things, but I really need to express my thoughts somehow and I don't have anyone to talk to. Especially about this.

I hurt and I'm confused and I'm afraid. Philias hasn't been himself for the past week or so. He won't talk about it, at least not to me and whatever is going on inside his mind is having an impact on his dreams.

The other night, I was called home because Augustus had been injured and he needed to be treated. Philias had taken care of sewing the worst of them, but there was so much blood. After making sure that Augustus was mended, I had to go into the bathroom to throw up. Yes, I know... More vomiting, but it was such a mess! I think that I can say a bloody mess about this situation and it not be a swear word.

Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this... Oh, yes. Philias was acting strange whilst cleaning the blood up. I think that he was in some kind of a shock from seeing his friend in such a state and his frantic cleaning was a way for him to distract himself. In the end, Augustus was stable and so Philias and I went to bed. Bedtime snuggles with my teddy bear are one of my favourite things to do. I feel so safe and loved in his embrace... At least I did. Everything was going fine, both of us were sleeping soundly until I feel myself being moved. I don't think much of it at first, but then I feel something scratching against me, which ends up being Philias' clawed hand and then he tightens his embrace. I try and speak out, try to wake him from the waking dream and I finally manage to snap him out of his mind and back into the room.

He looks at me, at what he has done to me and moves away. Sobbing and in shock of what he had done. I go over to try and calm him, soothe his thoughts and reassure him that it wasn't his fault. How could I do anything else, really? My poor Teddy wasn't to blame and he'd never hurt me intentionally. He was so apologetic and guilty, not that it took even a second before forgave him.

Anyway, the feral actions of that night aren't what scare me. It's the things that have followed after. Philias and Eileena arranged a pot luck. I don't actually know whether anyone remembers me talking about it around Winter's Veil, but one actually happened and I'm glad about that. I didn't eat anything and I'm sure that Philias didn't either. Though instead of being a proper attentive host, he spent time taking Varric away to talk to him in private and then Marras, he didn't say anything about what he talked to them about and I just hoped that he didn't tell them what he did. I don't want the risk of people jumping to conclusions or judging him for it.

Anyway, he was off then and has been off today. He smoked something earlier and when I got home, there was mess everywhere and when I went to our bathroom, he was in the bath surrounded by bubbles. I'm not sure what to do, but at least Augustus is there. I ought to have a nice chat with Philias to find out what is going on.

Whatever it is, we'll get through it together.

Ellbry
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Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:19 pm

Re: Ellbry's Log

#8 Post by Ellbry » Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:00 am

Dear Rose,

I'm going to say now that the words that you will feel are going to be a mixture of things, I've come to the realisation that I can't only write nice things, especially at the moment.

Firstly, I think that you were moved. After the last thing that I wrote, I fell asleep at my desk. Augustus carried me upstairs and put me to bed. Though when I finally managed to get downstairs the next day, you weren't where I put you. You were still on my desk, but I remember placing you closer to the ink pot and not the pencil holder. When it comes to placement and memory of that, I'm very -... There's a big word there that I can't think of right now, but I will explain why soon. I don't think it was Philias - we have a mutual respect for one another's things and he'd never do that. Either I knocked you in my sleep, or Augustus moved you. Though when I say moved, I hope it was only that and not reading. He hasn't said anything about it and I don't want to outright accuse him, so I'm just going to leave it for now and make sure to tuck you away somewhere after I've written. (But if anyone is actually reading this without my permission, then you are very rude.)

Right now, I am sitting in bed, next to a sleeping Philias. I'm actually very worried because I found him asleep like this last night and he hasn't stirred or moved, no matter what I've done to try and rouse him. Nothing bad! Just gentle shakes which turned into slightly harder ones. I noticed an overturned bottle of a potion that he was given on the nightstand next to him and I think this might be the result of that. I mean, I know for a fact that he's not dead, I've checked his vitals and checked him over for any sign of injury and there are none. I haven't slept and I won't until I know that Philias will be okay. I've been trying to contact Marras or Varric over the stone, but you know.. People sleep and that's understandable. I'm going to keep trying. Augustus isn't even home, so he can't help me either.

So as you can imagine, I've not slept. I have been sipping away at some very strong coffee that Augustus calls The Wakener and to be honest, it's a very fitting name. If it wasn't for the fact that Philias was in a heavy sleep and his swallowing reflexing thingy-bob is also sleeping, then I might give him some to see if that wakes him up. Okay I'm going to write about something else now, because as you can see, my handwriting is getting a bit shaky and I'm getting upset.

Anomen and I actually got to spend some time talking yesterday evening, it was nice. Some not so nice things happened, but I'm not going there. Maybe I'll tell you about what was a mortifying thing for me and funny for Anomen, because I'm not sure if he is going to let me live it down anyway. He's getting married, which is really exciting and he chose me, ME! To make his suit. I asked Philias about Gilnean styles in order to help my design and he's really good when it comes to describing things and even adjusting parts where I've not actually drawn the details quite right. Anomen seems really pleased with the design and after I've made the current wedding outfits that I'm working on, I can start on his. BUT when I showed Anomen the sketchbook, he sort of flicked through some more of the pages and saw something that he shouldn't have. I grabbed the book from him, but when I went to put the book back into my satchel a loose page with a similar drawing fell out and he managed to grab it! I'm not going into detail about what was on the page, but it was very embarrassing. I'm going to make sure that I keep such drawings out of my book next time so as not to risk that from happening again.

Anyway! Anomen and I got talking about the wedding and it sort of got me thinking about what I'd wear if I actually got married and how it actually works for two men when they get married. I know that I'd likely play the role of the blushing bride-groom if we are sticking to traditional weddings to an extent, Anomen offered to walk me down the aisle... But I'm actually thinking too much about this. I suppose all this talk of weddings just has me wondering whether Philias would ever want to do that with me. We have brushed over the topic of a future together, but it hasn't been a lot and minds change, don't they? I mean in the back of my mind, I wonder if Philias is acting like this because of something that I've done. I know the incident the other night must be playing on his mind, but I just wonder whether if it wasn't for me being in his life, would things be a lot more simpler and better for him? I'm probably just being silly, tiredness, overthinking and being a worry wort don't make a very good combination. When, and I say WHEN because he will wake up. Philias and I are going to have a talk.

I'm going to go now. I need to go back to calling for either Varric or Marras over the stone to see if there is any way they can help. I'm trying not to involve too many people in what's clearly a difficult time for Philias, but he's already talked to those two and I can't do this alone.

Ellbry
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Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:19 pm

Re: Ellbry's Log

#9 Post by Ellbry » Wed Jan 22, 2020 5:12 pm

You knew. You were warned that you shouldn't do it, but you did it anyway. I can't even bring myself to look at you, but here I am with my head against your chest and listening to your heartbeat. Because of your foolishness, I'm here, listening to the taunting beats and everytime it skips a beat, I can feel my own heart stopping too. I suppose that I could do more, ask for more help over the stone. I already did that and I am doing what I was instructed to do. But if your heart stops, then mine might too.

Ellbry
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Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2019 3:19 pm

Re: Ellbry's Log

#10 Post by Ellbry » Sun Jan 26, 2020 1:21 pm

Dear Rose,

Apparently it's only been a few days since I last wrote inside you. But it feels like ages. So much has happened over the last few days and my head is a big fuzzy mess of different feelings. But! The three main things that I feel is pride, love and feeling loved.

Um... I suppose those last two are the same thing, but not. Because I feel love for Philias and also the love that he has for me.

But pride! That's because Philias did a very difficult thing so that he could move on from the past that haunts him. He did it so that he wouldn't jeopardise what we have. He couldn't do that himself, so miss Eileena used her song to help him through it and I was there to help him when he got to the other side. In between the varying wedding outfits that I'm making, I'm working on something as a thank you present. Though Eileena seems like the humble sort, I think that some measure of appreciation should be given. If I could then I would buy her the world as thanks for what she did.

What Philias did for us, for our relationship makes me feel very loved. I have thought that I felt love before Philias, but I think that I wanted to be loved so badly that I just accepted anything despite it not actually being love. But that is in the past now and finally I am able to love and feel loved. Though most of my worries are gone regarding him, he doesn't seem too well at the moment. But I am there helping as best I can until it passes.

There is one thing that stands out in all of this and I can't bring myself to write it down, just in case it doesn't happen. But I can't stop thinking about it and it makes my heart skip a beat every time that I do
When we talked about the subject in question, it felt natural. Though that is something that I have always felt throughout our relationship, it was just something that fell into place. Almost like he came to slot the jigsaw pieces back into my heart in order to make it whole again.

Though I think that I did the same for him, we did it for one another and we are gradually completing the rest of the pieces in order to make ourselves one.

Okay, I have written a lot and I ought to get back to work. It's a lazy Sunday, but I'm being a bit naughty and trying to finish this dress before tomorrow. Philias is being the best man ever and bringing me tea and snacks as well as helping me and giving me gentle reminders to take breaks. Golly I love that man.

Ellbry.
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