Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#11 Post by Rey » Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:06 am

8th of oct.
Ahh Morrigan - glorious and wonderful woman. You’re so unique, one of a kind and had i only known before i met Ravian then what fun we could have had! I feel your teeth in my skin, your claws and i can’t help but to admire you for exactly that - the feverish rage, the burning inside you. How can you not steal attention - was it not for the fact that you’re not Ravian... even the bite and the claws, he accepted and cleaned it without passing judgement. Ahh.. My Raven. Still you confuse me so. Will I ever fully understand your depths? At least you stayed, Thank you!

Lumi on the other hand.. That’s another exceptional being i don’t get. I’m trying to apologies, damn you.. And you don’t listen. Your words are kind and soft but i know you’re just appeasing me. You’re not really there. You don’t really pay attention as if your opinion has already been made and it matters little what i say or do. I have to learn though, i try to. You speak of family but i have none.. not yet. I care a great deal but family are those you know better than anyone and accept for what they are. This is still just a unionship with a strong leader. Him i will follow but family.. not yet. You don’t know me yet and i don’t know you.. but i’m trying to - you’re not letting me.
I see the sadness in your eyes Lumi, I hear your worry. I can’t get to it though i sense it has to do with me.. and Starlight. I wish i could help but you still look down at me for who i am, why won’t you see me as i try to see you?
Spoke to Nomine.. He was just suddenly there, sneaky bastard - i was just looking out at sea as i often do these days, trying to control the desire to cross it for new destinations. He reminds me… again…. That running is no longer an option. They will come looking for me he says… He’s right. I would have to be a damn good escape artist to get away from Starlight if they -really- wanted to find me… he says they would… i believe him.

He too reminds me what Ravian keeps saying… Think this over!, don’t rush!. More will be hurt from me trying to believe i can handle on my own than from actually being involved in a controlled manner. They’re right too. I know they are but then why do i fight it? He said he makes mistakes too.. and takes risks. It makes me trust him more. I told him - i do not follow people easily.. I will follow him anywhere… Just not away from my goal... away from Ravian... Never that!

Lyl my sweet. How do you see so much - do you still care? I hope you do for i care for you. Erin had better keep you happy - You deserve it!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#12 Post by Rey » Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:07 am

9th of oct
Don’t take out on Anomen what you don’t get…. I know Starlight has a story but he and i are not part of that yet Stoen - We’re not family yet and still we carry the burden of all past deeds of Starlight - how can we? I know you worry, Stoen. I know you care and i know you don’t want to see Starlight split apart again… I just wish… That we atleast would get the benefit of the doubt? How are we to learn what you already have if we can’t put ourselves to the test? You say Lumi has seen trouble - i get that. I think in her mind I’m a lost cause and who knows, with all this stuff with the witches and the arts i could be on a one way trip to the eternal damnation but the thing is.. It’s my trip. I have to decide on the way and take every step with the conviction of my heart, guided by people who care about me.. She doesn’t care.. not really. I might be a cause to her but I’m not really Rey. You want me to smalltalk with her about dresses and pets Stoen and for you i will try. I’ll try to keep Starlight united - not that it’s in any way a thing I’m able to - for that you need to be important somehow, I’m not… not really.

I do however see your hurt Stoen.. and your fear. I see your just trying to fix things but you have to see that this is not one sided. You all swoon in the light of Lumi and i get that too - she is… wonderful, radiant, beautiful… She is so much more than any dancer will ever be and i understand her value in Starlight. I just can’t handle the judgement of the light… also one sided and without respect. I live in a world of greys - there are no absolutes, not ever. All the chances people like me and Anomen have are to cling to whatever rope we have and hold on… hold on!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#13 Post by Rey » Tue Oct 15, 2019 9:18 pm

14th of Oct.
So… this Veyla is actually quite funny in her own harsh way. She leaves no truth unsaid.. But that -she- is the woman Ravian sacrificed his career to save - the world spins in ways i can’t grasp. The twirling thread of destiny seems to spindle fates and people up in a pattern we can’t really see nor understand yet. She’s really thankful in her way, poor girl. She…. could be me - spun up against men of far greater power, people that do not understand what i am nor what i do. So many things always seem to align and it’s almost stealing my breath.
Yes! she is willing to teach… with rabbits??? Seriously… rabbits. No no.. won’t do - they’re far too cute and fluffy. Let’s go with chickens instead. I sense the power in her but she has such control - on and off, like a candle. I need to learn that.. for protection. Though I’, sure she can teach me so much and i need to learn fast. Fast enough to know what i’m even talking about. How am i to understand what everyone is saying if i can’t even get this to make sense. Ohh she named it “deathrush” - such thrill.. Is this how Tikal feels when he hunts down an animal? Is this how power feels. Somehow i.. enjoy it. How it surges through me - tingling and strong.. yet.. i fear it.. The rush. No matter.. I will control it. I will learn. No rush is as strong as the one i feel in his arms… when he looks at me, his kiss… his touch…..ohh the touch!

Veyla says: “learn the colours of your own energy - if not then how will you know which is yours and which is not” She’s ofcourse right. Wait, wait!! What if… instead of binding the powers in a stone i ask the help from the druids.. Give back the witches powers to the earth they stole it from? I bet there’s a way to make good of so much potential power… though.. i need to find a way to transform the energy i drain from them to an energy that can be used for good things. What good is it to just bind powers into a stone? It could be stolen, could be set free or even worse in time could corrupt. Lumis words still remain like a burning dagger in my stomach - “what if it corrupts you!” I know she speaks out of fear and experience. But right now, right here I also finally understand what she meant and why she is afraid.. The thing is.. I do not -want- to kill.. i have no desire to dabble with dark powers. I do not seek power. I merely try to take on what feels like my destiny - right here, right now. There has never been a tomorrow for me, until now. For the first time i wonder “What if!” and those few words both make me thrillingly happy inside and fills me with more fear than i had ever known possible.
Veyla sends me off.. Can’t learn all in one day she says… I’m just so damned eager to learn.. and learn fast.
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#14 Post by Rey » Tue Oct 15, 2019 9:18 pm

15th of oct
Ahh darling Lumi.. of course you’re the one to both shoot down my great ideas and also offer new hope.. So.. fel or whatever can’t be purified by light. Apparantly it just blasts the ass off anything bad natured - which of course can be well enough if the light is strong enough that is.
But a witches magic is not just one thing Pol says… He says it’s a mix off all kinds of odd stuff… all put into bindings and curses and markings and stuff - nasty stuff. But here’s the great news - Pol you great, great man… or.. pandaren. If one would know to finish off the old hags - chances are that most of their curses, bonds and nasty stuff will go away with them.. That means.. Taking them out as we plan would clear the House Marwanus off all bonds and curses now controlling them. Maybe even the houses too… oh.. might need to remind Ravian of the house. just in case.
Thing is - i still need somewhere to place all that nasty stuff… but if i learn what it consists off… getting help from druids, priests, mages alike. I might have a chance to break up the magic. It… is ofcourse so far just a working theory… so… i will look into more. Also.. that damned library note.. wonder what it says.

So.. really… a trip to another lighthouse.. A dark lighthouse - now isn’t that contradictory. Morrigan is here - won’t even let me touch her but… i just want to hug her, tell her that i’m still here for her. At least Todd doesn’t shy away, lovely Todd! Good thing i’m surrounded by so many great people. This will be a walk in the park and i even dressed up in the outfit Jas made me.. Oh Jas. Wonder if you ever found what you were looking for out in the world. Icy blue - You left and so much has happened since. Wonder if you would even recognice the dancer i was in the woman i am now.. gah.. foolish to think of such things now. Put your head in the game, Rey!
Maybe… if we’re here and…. all these different kinds of powers are around i should actually give Veylas suggestion a chance… what if i… just… Ohh.. There’s Anomen. What’s with all these voices and… pain? That must be so hard and confusing to listen to.. all the time…
Then… if i…. ohh.. Hey Moonlight.. Why so sad, pretty elf? Your mind is bathes in the serenity of moonlight. Why do you carry such burden of sadness still. I will have to ask about that… Lumi? Gah no… no no no.. Won’t work… yet. maybe if I’m stronger…. Then…. maybe.. Hayhurst - I should have known he hides himself deeply… If i could just.. look.. a little deeper.. hmm. He does not shy away but… he’s private. I should give him a little room. He does not like prodding too much. And if i say Hayhurst…. Then i should also say Eileena… There… sea… waves. She has a shield much like that of Veylas - waves crashing. I can’t see beyond that for now… Morrigan then? wonder what she is all about? What is she… at the core - the essence. Of course she’s not letting me in.. teeth and claws all the way… maybe in time i will be able to see her colours too. The way her soul dances….

Oh heck… This dark-lighthouse…. Nasty beings all over the place.. the bridges, we got to burn the bridges Anomen! Gah… don’t tell me no one can just blast that stupid bridge… i… REALLY don’t want to.. oh..If i don’t then we’ll all be in big trouble.. Okay… here goes - fire away!

Surprisingly or actually naturally no one noticed. I was even standing right next to Lumi! Me… in battle… alongside Lumi! How crazy is that! I mean.. I mean.. It’s LUMI!!! And.. Anomen was allowed to lead… People listened to his commands and everything. This is SO surreal.. I… have to get a breath of air… and Todd.. you always find your way to me - even despite what Gerna did.. Now you stand here, in the middle of a battlefield telling me to take care of Fluffles if you don’t make it. Don’t get me wrong Sweety.. He’s adorable but… stop talking like that!

We will get out of here safely.. you’ll see! aaaand… there goes Lumi, light and BOOM nasty beasts turning to goo - there we go! thought so. Shame we did not find who was behind this.. Only Ana speaking of a circle of ritual… reminds me of the ritual they made me go through and also…. the witches and their rituals. Wonder who was indeed behind this.

i think i may have upset Eileena… not sure.. And Varric too… shoot!. I hate it when they get upset… Always ends with me having to spill the beans on everything - I think they know… i looked at them!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#15 Post by Rey » Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:20 pm

16th of october
Ohh Moonlight. Without you i would have no chance getting through this. Now i understand your sadness. You lost him… You lost your child and all your world crumbled. You still stand i see that - beauty and serenity in an odd mix but you just stand - barely. Time eases the pain you say but you know yourself that it’s a lie. You do feel like fading, withering into silence but you have your goddess. You have the light to find comfort and peace within. If i lose my love.. I have nothing but emptiness and darkness. There will be no more dancing if i don’t have him!

Please, oh please understand this Moonlight. I need you to be a friend and not only the voice of reason that you claim to be. I need for you to tell me that this is right. That my love is real. The witches said i were to strengthen the bloodline of the Marwanus family… That’s why Florian is so crazed but…. is my love then.. for Ravian only me doing what the witches want me to? Is it real or have i too - like poor Florian been marked and somehow lured into loving him? No .. NO! it’s not true… You see Moonlight. This is why i HAVE to take down that coven. I have to.. I need to know that this surging feelings - my calling to him, how i long for his eyes to see me, his voice to speak my name, his arms around me is not just another curse.

As long as the coven is out there. They will hunt the Marwanus, claim hold on Florian and try to kill Ravian…. But if i take them down I risk my love for him to show it’s true face. I could… lose him and in the process lose myself.

It has to be done Moonlight, It has to and i need your help. I need all of Starlight for until i have done what i am meant to do… I can not trust my own fluttering heart.

Ravian - I should have known that you would have thought the same line of thoughts. What if we’re played by witches. You say it won’t matter but i know it will. You say what will happen is that i lose interest and go my own way but you have no idea how cold a world it would be.

Oh Raven of my heart, holding the rope even as we face a more cruel reality than we could have imagined you offer me consolation You…. will come look for me. even then? Even if i turn from you, indifferent and cruel… You say you will come for me.. oh, but how can i ask anything like that. I really don’t deserve your devotion nor your love!

It must be, eternally

Waves of fear crash over me
endlessly, endlessly
The beast of regret, sorrow and pain
knows my name, knows my name

A lonely path ahead of me
across the sea, across the sea
The shadow of evil in the sky
all will die, all will die

A thousand steps to cross the divide
no place to hide, no place to hide.
Tumbling along but where to go
I do not know, I do not know

Blood of evil in my veins
will it change, will it change?
A heartfelt prayer in song and dance:
Give me a chance, Oh, Give me a chance

Cascading whispers in the night
where is the light, where is the light?
The dream of hope, beauty and love
lift me up, lift me up.

I walk alone in crowds of lust
who to trust, who to trust?
Hips and lips a weapon of choice
hear my voice, hear my voice

Then clear as day it calls to me
Destiny, destiny.
Foreign shores that know my soul
the circle is whole, the circle is whole.

I hear the fluttering wings of fate
is it too late, is it too late?
My heart can feel the urgency
suddenly, suddenly.

On a mountain touched by fate
the hour is late, the hour is late.
A Raven of time waiting for me
can it be, can it be?

I am marked by dark and light
for the fight, for the fight
and I know that this must be
purposely purposely

When your heart and soul is mine
cross the line, cross the line.
Can I trust the truth I feel
is it real, is it real?

When I do what must be done
do not run, do not run.
Will I know how to speak your name
feeling the same, feeling the same?

Are we played in the game of fate
love and hate, love and hate?
or is it real - it has to be!
you and me, you and me.

Your eyes and heart see all of me
truthfully, truthfully.
In your arms now I feel whole
Take my soul, take my soul

You can mend the broken part
take my heart, take my heart.
In your kiss a reason to be
take all of me, take all of me

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#16 Post by Rey » Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:48 am

18th of October

Ohh Eileena… I know you hide so well behind the needs of others, pushing your own needs and desires aside but i see it. I sense it - it’s as clear as day the desperation and the longing in you. You stand on a crossroad and you have no idea where to go because you lost yourself. How can you move ahead when you do not know what you’re looking for? Sweet Eileena.. find yourself first and do not lose yourself in a struggle you can not win no matter what you chose.
You have seen so much pain, i know.. i remember.. the shadows, the fear, the loneliness. His voice kept you alive, clinging to it for comfort and now you owe him? But that is not how it goes. He will never accept anything but true devotion. No one man or woman will ever settle with being just the one that was there. It’s not fair to him nor you. Wonder if my raven would grow as cold and distant again if years passed between us as it has for you and Nomine. Would be able to pass the threshold and take me into his arms again with the burning passion and love i so long for or would he he be uncertain, detached, logic?
Oh I see so much Ravian in Nomine. Strong leaders both, stoic, logic and used to command but they can hardly command their own heart. They need some guidance to break down the stern mask of command and just be a man. I wish… you could just smelt away the iron on Nomines heart, sweet Eileena for you are a passionate woman and you have desires, unspoken, wants unclaimed and hopes unfullfilled.
Oh it’s okay honey… let it out. It’s okay to cry. Let the emotions wash over you - don’t push it aside to be strong and calm. I like the raging in you. The storm of chaos - i can handle that far better than the calm, gathered mask of the priestess that i do not really feel… This… i feel. I feel your pain and i feel your sadness and fear. I feel your love.. such strong and endless love that it steals my breath away. Please dear gods and powers of dark and light. Please let his feelings be as true and as strong as this. I do not care of there’s pain too… Just please do not let it be a ruse of the witches. please oh lords, please!

I will be here for you sweet Eileena - you’re not alone. I went through you and stared into the mirror of your fears. I know the plains of loneliness - i’ve walked them too. I will not let you walk these paths alone.. no more!

Gosh men… sometimes they’re as daft as a murlocs… How can they not see? Any woman wants to be wanted - with passion and fire and brimstone - Even those that are calm, composed priestesses… Should i speak to Nomine.. Do i dare? Holy cow.. imagine me going to the boss saying “oh hey boss… get your act together and take back your woman!” What is it with men in Starlight? right now Tikal seems to be the only one capable of going for what he wants - biting ears and all…

I wear you down Eileena.. go rest.. go think. Tomorrow is another day and we well set on the path to find YOUR song. Not for the sake of any man but for the sake of you and only you!

Then… Anomen, Annie, Fio, Lia, Ana… what’s with all the elves?. beauty and handsomeness overload! They have such a strange mindset - i can’t cope. Why is it okay to retaliate to bullying with beatings and killings? And they call humans inferior. Not in so many words of course - i just sense it. Right… that’s it… I’m a lover, not a fighter and i refuse to build a world where we choose violence and killing as the first option. If we want a better world we have to start with our own actions - on that note i’m gonna go hug a bad guy. Should not be difficult at this hour!

Ohh heck!!! Maybe… i should reconsider the hugging… I mean… this is not the best of situations. Lord of shadow N’zoth.. I’ll not forget that name… Keep the pamphlet for Nomine.. He needs it - Info and all.. though i can’t read.. i can listen. Something about bringing back the true lord of creation. He who will rekindle our hearts with the powers of the shadow ... That sounds much like cultist activity.. Maybe if i… sneak up a bit more.. No one is on the stone… I probably shouldn’t but… What if they’ll cause trouble later. Gah.. i really dislike these dark dwarves. Dwarves are supposed to be grumpy but fun in their own way. Oh the parties i’ve attended in Ironforge - those dwarves sure knows how to dance and drink… These guys.. creep me out!
ohh.. There’s… worgens too? huge ones. Something is wrong with them… i can sense.. The energy inside them is… distorted… like.. unreal or tampered with? What the heck IS this? A midnight party from hell… oh right… close enough though.

Oh Shoot! I had not seen these guys in the alley. Have they been there all the time? Let me just… move this way instead.. just a little… wait.. no?! Another? Who the hell are they… This… does not look good.. No guards around either.. they’re probably patrolling the mage district instead of the places where real trouble is brewing. Now Rey - gather your wits and charm your way… hmm no?. They’re… mindless? no eyecontact. Just large claws and… I got to get out… got to get out!

Just… a little longer. I see the tower. Please let him be there, please. Just a little longer!

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#17 Post by Rey » Mon Oct 21, 2019 1:12 pm

20th of october

Oh gosh. The keep looks so big when you get closer. It’s strange - when i first came to Stormwind my dream was to dance to the king himself. To swirl across these floors, adored and admired by all the people of power. How things have changed. I no longer seek that admiration but i still love the dance for far other and deeper reasons than what can be expressed with an applaud… I no longer dance just for them.. I dance for me. The guards are looking at me strangely - bells jingling and all - not quite the poster image for a trip to the keep but i’m here in my own right and you can look all you want, lads - i’m spoken for!

I have no idea how to get through all these books. The librarians and a young pale looking male student drooling over me have been so kind as to help me find books… I don’t know what i was thinking.. i can’t read. Oh lords. This is stupid. I don’t belong here. I had just hoped… that somehow books had more.. pictures.. and maps and not just all these scriblings - like ants, running all over the place.

Ah… Stoen. Got to tell Stoen about N’zoth and the cult. They should know. I promised Nomine that i would keep him informed of what goes on and this is indeed a potential danger to everyone but Nomine is not here. Gosh Stoen… i get a feeling you don’t get what i’m saying but… you would not be an officer of Starlight if you didn’t so i got to trust Nomines trust in you. Tell you about the young man i saw them claw with large worgen claws and the shadow i felt in them. I’ll tell you about N’zoth - the old god asleep but i won’t tell you what happened to me and i sure as heck won’t tell you what i had to do to get away. It’s over.. Ravian helped me and Moonlight too. I just want Starlight safe… and i promised to tell.

I would like to ask permission to go back to Boralus - to the library there to see if the note the witch gave me leads me to something… I will ask permission before i go. I know the danger for me to be there and I owe Starlight to ask before sneaking off but.. but.. now Lumi comes and I don’t know how to ask when she’s there. I don’t know how much to tell her.

Oh no… Lumi - why do you ask me about the flames? I didn’t want to use them but Starlight was in danger. They have always somehow been part of me, i sense that now - the swirling chaos in me is partly that...I don’t know what it is.. Is it the demon? Is it a remnant of what she was? Is it something newly awakened. I don’t know Lumi.. i don’t know! and I’m scared too. I’m scared that this IS evil and that by going this way i will turn bad, but… how can i not? I know that i’m doing wrong please.. please just tell me you’ll help me through this. Don’t judge me for what i can not change. The swirling chaos in me, IS me… It’s at the core of who i am and to change that means to change myself and i can’t. Why won’t you just let me be me? Why can’t you love what and who i am as i see you love everyone else? I want to bathe in the light of you, comforted to know that the light also shines upon me yet all you do is scorn me. Am i really unlovable for those of light? Am i as broken in darkness as my confused mind tells me? You say i’m selfish and i know i am… but i try so hard not to be. I’m torn between loving him with all my soul - called to a destiny to fight with all i am and yet still i hear your words and i fear the truth of them. Will i fall? Will the darkness consume me when i walk down this path?

I… think of him, Lumi. I hear his voice - rough and warm in my mind, speaking words of a truth that is far more clear than anything else. I know i have a worth, i know the world is in shades of grey and i walk them all but in the shine of his love, in the comfort of his arms and with his kisses on my lips there can be no evil. Because i know this… I also know that i can not… will not step down. I am… who I am…. but oh the lords of light and dark - if you could only be my friend for i need help in this fight.

Oh Lumi… Stoen.. please.. please don’t speak like this. Please just… help me. I am trying all i can to do the right things but there’s so much.. so much i have to learn and so little time. I try to speak to everyone.. tell people what i know, ask for help and most of all not to run… I want to run!

I need you, Nomine… to tell me again - reassure me that running is not the answer.. That i’m owning up even though Lumi says i’m not taking responsibility and that i don’t care about Starlight or anyone. Please remind me that I’m doing alright.. please tell me that it’s not just Ravian and Anomen that sees me and accept me for what i am… all greys and sometimes darker than that. Please tell me that i can find my way in this even when the light of Starlight herself scold me and scorn me so for making a choice that’s not really mine to make.

I asked her to let me be me.. she seems to think i can work against my own nature.. as if she could just drop the light if i told her so. She will use the light against me.. she will purge darkness and evil out of me if i continue this path - she said so. Lumi The Glorious will kill me… for following a destiny i can not avoid!
How did it come to this!?
She slapped me… I tried to hit back - it was pure reflex and nothing more but i wish i had not.. She does not deserve it. She is scared and she has lost so much already…

Never,... have i been so angry.. so frustrated. It’s me… i do this all wrong.. and her. How can she speak of me like that I.. I.. feel like burning and running- all at the same time. Oh god no, Syra.. don’t come.. and yet.. please do.. Anomen.. You too. I sense you .. Thank you.. I can hardly contain all of this. Where’s Moonlight? I need her calm and logic.. for she knows what i fight for. She knows what i’m up against. She might not understand me.. but at least we share an uneven fight right now… i need her simply because she knows him too.

How am i to stop this dizzying swirling. I feel like the world spins and spins, tossing me into the depths of an anger i have never felt before. Angry because she really would sacrifice it all.. them all …. on the alter of the light out of spite and righteousness.. She is the selfish one… not me!

Moonlight soothe me, fire consume me, Little pea in my pod… please stay with me! Poor Syra… you have no clue.. no one has. Unless you know the whole picture how are you even able to understand the choices we make, what we feel when we act and the many scales of grey in the world we walk in. Shades of grey that only darken when we are alone and lost, afraid of what we might become.

“It doesn’t matter what one person says. It matters what WE say” Syras words.. The are so clear - not up for debate and she’s right. I can’t allow a few people to undo what so many have worked hard to build… I know i have a destiny and i know what i must do!

Anomen… friend.. don’t get lost in the anger we share.. don’t run though i share your desire to do so. We must stay for if we don’t she and others judging who we are, will win. It sounds strange thinking like this..… but we too must be a beacon.. a hope for those lost in the darker shades of grey that there is a way to walk the path and not fall.. so please don’t fall. Grab the rope i throw to you… don’t drown. I’m coming. Moonlight is here too with silver threads strengthening the line. I know she doesn’t like what i do..but she’s here… at least… Syra too. You are not alone. We will hold the rope!
Oh god what a mess… I know Syra is upset with Anomen. I can tell how she squirms - shying from him. I know Fio is upset due to the entire situation and what i did. I know Anomen is frustrated and lost - echoing me, I know Ana is angry - bordering boiling rage to me… she knows it was me at the lighthouse. There’s just too much going on.

Behind it all is Starlight…. Todd is hurt.. i could not ask for her help. Devvy is upset still, so is Morrigan.. She hates me too. Stoen does not hate. I don’t think he can but Lumi… oh lords… Lumi. How can i be hated so.. by the sun itself?

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Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#18 Post by Rey » Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:58 am

21st of october

Please Todd…. Promise me that if Lumi is right you will do what has to be done? I will not harm anyone i care for.. not ever!… I put my trust in you and with you Morrigan and Hayhurst. They too will be able to do what is needed. I ask you to track me down and give me an arrow to the heart. I will much rather die from the hand of someone i love than perish in righteous flames. Please promise me that it will never be!

I love you so much, sweet Todd…. Time has been hard on us.. on you and what i ask is unfair but i trust you beyond anything else. You and Fluffles know me… and i trust you.

Oh Raven of my heart. When they find me and bring me back to you. Will you find me a flower strewn meadow and a spot of sunlight? I can not bear the thought of being locked in a tomb.. in darkness... I want the open sky - moon and stars above me. Do promise me that i will be surrounded by the beauty of life!

Then… after.. I want you to go back into the world and love it. Love all of it for it is in the beauty of life there is joy and light. Do not succumb to the pain and sorrow. I want you to love the world to bits and pieces, Ravian… Love the good and the bad for only in times of hardship will we truly value the miracles of love. I will be with you every step on the way for all eternity but you have to promise me not to cast your heart in iron, please oh, please!

Posts: 68
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#19 Post by Rey » Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:06 am

First ray of sun

The first ray of sun on a flowery bed
is where i will lay down my weary head.
With a soft kiss goodnight and a warm embrace
The last thing i shall see is the love on your face
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

The beauty around and the stars high above
What ocean of light found in life and in love
I linger a moment in peace by your side
In the warmth of you there is no need to hide
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

Through battles and heartache, through sorrow and pain
I know none of my life was ever in vain
But first days of spring turn to fall over time
To love you too much was my capital crime
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

Now warmest hands in deep sleep are chilled
The strong beat of a heart full of love is stilled
Soft lips of sweet whispers now locked in silence
Deep sleep cut the threads of my last defiance
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

Time pass and nights will turn into a new day
A new love, a new chance in the first sunray
Love all that will come and the beauty it holds
Take every chance to enjoy life that unfolds
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

That is my plea in the latest of hours
I am resting now in a meadow of flowers
But in silence and through eternities still
Love you and miss you forever i will
When summers of gold
turn to nights of cold
Remember then the first ray of sun

Posts: 68
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#20 Post by Rey » Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:15 am

22nd of oct.

What the heck Veyla!!!
Ohh no.. no no no no,,, this isn’t happening. Don’t tell me that this is happening. This was all Hetta! The lure - trying to teach me to drain and… fall into darkness. Hetta is so close - still at my heels. She’s even expanded her reach to Stormwind, still hellbent on winning me over. Oh god. please don’t let them know about Ravian and the others. I need to tell them to heighten security and and….
wait… wait.. wait.. This means.. that the nagging at the back of my brain. The feeling in my heart that something was off, was really myself warning me against those things.. I knew.. I should have listened to myself and not her.. I trusted her because Ravian had loved her…. or at least liked her enough to give up his career for her.. and all along….she tricked me into playing the game of the witches.

I hurt people with what i did, I know that now. She said i was only looking but in reality... I invaded them… How…. will i ever in any way be able to redeem that. Morrigan explained to me… Explained how they have tortured her. Not in so many words but i get it.. I get how a young girl that did not thinks she made any difference was twisted and torn - broken to fit the murdering monster she now claims to be. I see beauty in her… but she won’t even let me touch her. She doesn’t hate me anymore… but she doesn’t trust me either.

Oh gosh… Veyla. You ask me howcome i don’t want to kill you for what you did? I’m no bloody killer and i never can be! The wrongs i’ve done… was in a wish to do good … I’m just dumb as a doorknob and so endlessly confused. I have tried speaking to so many people, trying to learn but i always come up short. People don’t seem to listen to what I’m saying or asking. And i hurt them.

Still… i can’t kill - not you, not anyone. You made your choices.. your life may be forfeit but i personally DO believe that any path can be changed. The direction you walk in… the goals can be altered and you may find a new way…. Right now, mine is still obscured. All i know is i fell for the oldest trick in the world. Luckily enough i did not hurt anyone - Oh Rey… at least remember that. You did not really use those things to hurt anyone. That… is a comfort.

You say i’m too lovely to trick. what a strange notion.. that i’m to nice a person for you to want to play the witches at me? Maybe you see yourself in me? See what you once were if you hadn’t chosen as you did. I did have to tackle you to the ground to get you to tell - i’m stronger than i look, at least. You tell me that you have removed from me what made this happen in the first place but that some odd powers are still in me? What powers? where do they come from? what are they? I have been trying so hard to figure that out. Lumi asked me about the fire - where is it from. I honestly don’t know.. I feel the swirling, buzzing in me… Like butterflies in a meadow or the thundering across a dark sky. I just know it’s there but i’m just a dancer and everyone tell me i’m bad and wicked.

Tikal… so dangerous and so frightening.. You try so hard, with an unfamiliar softness to help but do you see? Do you understand? Do you grasp the turmoil in my heart and the chaos in my mind. You mean well.. i know. You’re the the faulty one - i am.. I am!
I hear what you’re saying and i love you for it. I do wish to learn.. i do. I just… don’t know how… I will try for you. You were my pathfinder and even then.. you tried. Thank you for not having given up on me.. yet.

Now… there’s no plan.. no one to turn to. I should never have thought i could change anything because i can’t. Getting involved just made things worse. I’m so sorry Philip and Ravian - sorry to have made you think i could do anything at all to help. It was a fraud, a fake and i should not have made you believe in me like you do.
I’m sorry Nomine.. You too believed in me.. that i could grow into taking responsibility. I guess the dancer in me is still just too rowdy - I keep making bad ones and now i’m not even useful. I have tried to make things better, talk to people, understand,work my way around things - even asking for help.Now… is the time to let others take charge, to let them do what they do so very well. Starlight is full of wonderful people -unique and skilled. They will know what to do and not fuck it up. I promise you Ravian that i will tell them what i know and they will find the solution i did not manage to.

I will not run… i promised people i love that i wouldn’t and in the end at least i will stay true to my word. I’m no killer and I’m no liar.
All i am is a failure.. and a dancer.

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