Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

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Rey
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Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#1 Post by Rey » Fri Sep 27, 2019 6:46 pm

The aftermath - Eileena and the warlock

27th of sep
Darkness… loneliness… fear…. Shame.. the shame’s worst. I couldn’t do what i promised, silly me. I should not have spoken out. I should have the others do it themselves. Things would have ended far better. I KNOW Tikal would scold me for being so weak. He always did try make me a fighter but i’m not… I’m really not. No fighter, no hero, no nothing.
I promised Nomine to keep Eileena safe, I promised Eileena to help her and i promised to give the strike team room. I thought too much of myself. I thought that just because i had helped out the Marwanus family I was suddenly more than just me. Someone important in the scheme of the world. My mistake - a big one!

Demons and darkness… Those two over and over again… I should think i’d done enough. That the awful exorcism thing they did on me had fixed things but the witches saw what i could not - it’s changed me and that what was done can never be undone.


Oh for the fel, no!… Don’t listen to such folly. I’m just a dancer… I love the dance - my feet moving, just me, my body and the music. When it fills my mind there is only beauty - It’s my shelter from the pain. Within i can lose myself. Forget myself and the pain. It’s peace - peace of mind, peace of soul and peace of body. Like the peace the witches offered..NO! I have to stop that. Don’t look at that - close it back up!!!! come on!!!......... good girl.

The fel and the light , searing through my body, threatening to tear flesh from bone and burn me up was nothing against the pain i feel now. Why the heck do i always have to meddle. I have to learn to keep my nose away from things but then i would only miss out on so much and so many. Now all i feel is shame, failure. By the un i need a drink *sighs* I know drinking won’t help. What is wrong with me? I’m so confused and torn - i feel the wanderlust again. My feet and my heart become restless. I want to go, leave it all behind and never look back. Then i don’t have to see their faces and feel their judging of me. The frown on Lumis face, The headshakings.. the condemnations.... My secrets should have been my own. Not only do they know i’m not just a dancer… I also failed them.

What if i just left… Left it all as i have done so many times before. Just go. I could go see what Lith is up to - there’s always people around him. I could just go see the world and not look back. Not look back at The Boss and Devvy. Not looking back at Syra, Todd and Morrigan. No more talking to Anomen or Hayhurst. Not having more laughs at Stoen and no more growls from Tikal…..no more dances with Ravian.

I promised Anomen i would not let my feet decide - can’t back down on that promise too. He was there for me, had my back… I’ve got to honour that. Hayhurst demanded i not live my life as he had. Said i had people loving me - he’s right. But what he got all wrong is that i love them so much it’s better i leave. If i go i can’t dissapoint them. He should see that… I will try to make him understand.

Then there’s the boss. I’m afraid for him. He is so much the leader that he forgets the man.. I want to help. I want to help Ei…. no… no.. don’t say the name. Just forget *hums* It never happened. The pain…. the darkness….the loneliness… the fear!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#2 Post by Rey » Sat Sep 28, 2019 12:18 am

29th of sep
Trying to sleep. The girls snore. Must be tired from wearing all that armour. My head is buzzing. The talk with Anomen, then Fio… I could not convince them that i’m bad news - they’re crazy. Fio told me not to run too.. My feet still want to but right now they just hurt - is that a fly? I hate flies when trying to sleep. silly bug!

Wonder if the order of the bla bla church will be able to find out what is at play with me. I dropped the name Fennelwald, told a story - i hope i didn’t miss things, had to think fast. I don’t think i can trust them and i’m sure it won’t be fun but at least i’ll get the answers the boss wants.
ok.. recap of the story… Fennelwald - evil pirate, I was kidnapped by pirates, not hard to say.. i really was… Fennelwald did nasty rituals on me, said i was to be a weapon, a stretch but almost true. I ran and now his evil eyes and spies are following me. I should be able to remember that. Now i just have to make them all believe i’m totally innocent. I should not be too hard - they’re already protective of me. Who thought i would be sleeping with two lady templars *grins* oh.. there’s that damned fly again!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#3 Post by Rey » Sun Sep 29, 2019 6:55 am

28th of sep
Day one with templars *groans* do we have to do all that marching. it’s so boring. Usually i like walking but this is… awful. they seem kind though - the ones i met so far. Don’t think the higher rankings are like that. time will tell.

This guy Aredan Sinclair however. What a nice man! and he plays the lute SO great. i got to dance and dance and dance til the pain stopped being pain and turned to bliss - for a moment i forgot… oh shush now.. don’t go there!

He offered to share information gathered. It was risky telling him, Tickle would kill me for doing so and i’m pretty sure most of the others would too - payed out though and we might have a perfect ally. He too fears what the church of bla bla is on to. He said they might be remnants of the Scarlet Crusade or something - got to remember that scarlet crusade, scarlet crusade, scarlet crusade. this guy is fun! it’s like a male version of myself - a wanderer, alone on the road…. He doesn’t know where he’s going either or how to get there but he’s skilled… he wants to meet With Nomine - wonder how that will turn out. the boss would be a fool not to win this guy over - plus… he’s really sweet on the eyes.

I sang the song of starlight - he almost cried. His heart is not yet cast in iron it seems.

These templars…. They seem so kind and so nice and so “oh-we-want-to-help” - chopping off my head! poking out my eyes - what the heck!!! no no that’s not the right way to go about it. Darling Chaplain Weltuz.. you’re more silly than a murloc in heat. shoot no… no no.. no RIPA - *groans* Boss! I was just fine. Now they got me chasing through the woods - wonder where the heck i’m running. Westfall... no Redridge, Redridge!......

Hayhurst got me out. Now there’s a real hero of the old kind. They all turned up and they were actually doing something else. Why? I don’t get it. I’m not that important. Lumi healed me even…. it’s SO confusing. One day they’re scolding me, the next they’re saving me and then they are angry. I knew they would all come and look at me but the worst one is definately Nomine. I don’t know if it’s the hat - i want a hat like that!

Yaikes. I thought Nomine had left because he was done and then he wasn’t over talking. He’s one scary man. Always seem to know.. things and he looks right through me. wonder if it’s a matter of taking one to know one. If it is. Then there’s hope for me, right?

What a mess, really. Then Morrigan - angry, confused and dangerous Morrigan. She was not one happy stalker. Oh my… those claws - She formidable in every way!! don’t like the weapon talk and NO way… I’m not telling you this Morrigan so you can away and get hurt or killed. Not because of me. why don’t you all get that? i’m fine.. fine i say!

*sighs* Right…. got to see if i can get my mind around this. I get they’re angry… no.. no. not angry upset. They don’t see me failing… or well Lumi does.. she said so. But then the boss… He speaks so i get it. It’s not about failing or not. It’s about doing something and owning up to the mistakes made. My head hurts, it’s all buzzing - I feel like running but he says that’s just giving up. So did Anomen and Hayhurst. Am i just a quitter? I don’t know. Don’t really know where to go. My feet still feel like walking but….. but… maybe… i could let them love me?
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#4 Post by Rey » Sun Sep 29, 2019 9:18 pm

29th of sep
It’s a shitty and unfair world that makes rocks crumble. Hayhurst is a rock…. he was. Poor Eileena - she’s both gentle and caring and torn, Always speaking about guiding other and others should work out the darkness and get help.. I feel so bad for her.

Hayhurst has personal business in Northrend we should help.. I will, if he’ll let me. Probably not though since I.. you know… told everyone about this very personal letter that made him all cumbly. Anyhow.. don’t look back.. just continue forward.

Does it matter where I go from here anyway? Lumi said I’m clueless. That I’m too silly to know anything. In some ways she’s right. I don’t know, I’m no hero - not perfect, like them… who am i fooling here, damn those feet!. Had it not been for Nomine’s order that I be there and Hayhursts silent plea that I went to them I would be in need of a long walk FAR away from that guildmeeting, all those eyes, don’t like those eyes, staring, judging. They don’t know, they don’t really see.

Words are never enough, neither as a word of thanks nor as a plea. Not when hearts are cast in iron - what works against that? A song? A dance? The arms of a beauty? Not with these people - they’ve seen too much, hurt too much, lost too much - I get it!

Fio seemed to understand, took my hand or is it just the side of her that can not see hurt and not act with empathy? I don’t know… Am i that transparent, am i that weak? What am i at all?
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#5 Post by Rey » Wed Oct 02, 2019 3:20 pm

1st of okt
Cobbled stone, cobbled stone, cobbled stone, crack.. uh oh! cobbled stone, crack again - WHAT!. damn.. Oldtown is too hard to play this game in. Maybe i should oh! Hey that’s Todd!?
Todd… my cute little redhead wolfie - i miss you so much - wonder if you’ll ever really understand that. Now you’re so angry and bitter - full of thoughts of vengeance and you’ve pulled away… gone so far. That won’t do!. We got to start over with this and find a new beginning to this terrible tale! We should never let Gerna steal away our joy of life. Don’t cry over what was lost - be happy for what is and what can be! So… Hey, I’m Rey - I’m sure we’ll be the best of friends.

Todd is not the only one suffering. Florian, Hayhurst, Eileena.. gosh the levels of pain. Don’t you worry Hayhurst, We’ll go get that blonde ghost for you oh by the light that Lumi is always on about… please oh please let her be okay. I’m not sure he’ll be able to go on if the girl is gone. Wonder how much a human mind can handle before it breaks? look at Morrigan.. Is she human? Was she ever? She’s the most scary, creepy and yet adorable and marvellous creature i ever met. Her mind works in such a strange way that it’s almost impossible not to lose oneself in trying to figure it out. Didn’t she admit she likes me? She called me a dumb doorknob… and naive too. I guess she’s right but still.. i think she likes me. At least she talks to me and i almost make her smile, if that’s a smile..either that or she’s thinking of eating me… no.. no… definetely….. probably a smile.

I told her about my mind… Gosh i’m so distracted. Hardly know what order to place things in - Witches, Florian, Ravian….. Eileena, Hayhurst Northrend….Morrigan, Templars, Gallyn…. Fio, Florian, Ravian….. me, Starlight, Ravian…. Why do i keep coming back to him…. stop it! …. cobbled stone, cobbled stone, cobbled stone, Ravian.

I heard Florian mumble in his sleep oh by all the sweet honey bees - It can’t be true… Hetta… Helinde. I know it! I saw Hettas eyes. They’ve been haunting my mind since - the peace they offer, to become one with a whole and no longer exist in this chaos of my mind. It’s so darn tempting. It has also been nagging at my mind. How did they get to sink their claws into poor Florian - now it makes sense and very much so. Oh darling Florian, your sweet confused mind. It was so easy for one of your own blood to use your heritage against you - remind me to check up on my own family ties. I would hate for my pirate brothers to suddenly draw me in again.

Ravian you annoying buffoon! I can see how you’d like to charge straight into danger, swinging your swords - always the military man, vigilant and protective but don’t try to keep everyone safe, especially me and listen to reason.. or.. well.. maybe not reason but atleast listen to what i say. Hear my voice, look at me… oh no, better not look. look away again! - My stomach hurt so strangely when you look at me like that. I promise you, silently in a whisper you won’t hear - If i ever endanger you… I will rather not live.
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#6 Post by Rey » Wed Oct 02, 2019 10:53 pm

2nd of oct.
Lumi stole it! She really just.. took it.. without even listening to me.. They don’t ever give me time to gather my thoughts, to explain. The coin the witch Kilaya gave me… She said “To bind the spell” - could just be a coincident… but Nomine doesn’t believe in those - he said so. Gosh my river runs so bad but there’s also hope - in the note she gave me when she said i was marked… A note for the frecking library!!! it’s so silly i laugh - on the inside, cause this is not fun at all! . Don’t even know which library or where, Nomine said it could be for messages… Messages - from who and to me? what for? all i know she took it - That tall judgemental, snobbish do-gooder… she just made her mind up - of course supported by her army of followers - Stoen, Tikal, Ana. Why are they even here? Didn’t involve them.. They just followed and teamed up on me. Only Nomine listens or at least he pretends to. They’ve just decided i can’t be trusted with the coin - it’s not cursed yet holds a taint, i feel it.. Witchery. I have no clue how this works but answers - oh! the answers i seek. Might be right here.. there.. in Lumis hand! I would entrust it to Hayhurst, Todd - maybe not.. Gerna and all, Lyl then… Chit, Syra - What the heck… I try to play by the rules. i try to learn how come she just gets to decide? If this is really the case.. That they don’t trust me… why not walk?

I feel my feet… right now.. walking.. step by step and i’m so angry. It could be what i was looking for. I won’t stop anyway but…. they just don’t trust me. Lumi said flat out that it was better to give it to the druids. They’re good people - and i’m not? Eileena is careful - and i’m not… No one spoke against it.. None of them. I understand the Boss could not.. had to be the boss… I sort of respect that, atleast. The captain of the ship.
It was all on a whim.. just sensed… trouble. I don’t know how i’m able to do that. It’s like she was tingling in my mind. The way she spoke, the way she looked, the way she smelled. I really, really hope this is all just my bad luck at play… i hope it’s all. I fear it’s not.
I don’t think it affects me… doesn’t play magic tricks with my mind - not like that. At some point they may try but then Ravian will help - we’ll find a plan then…. If… i dare… walk back to him… please feet don’t keep on walking, don’t. Please stop and let me think…. Don’t let me turn my back… don’t let me wander again, hold the rope oh please! hold the rope!
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#7 Post by Rey » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:24 pm

3rd of oct
Wait… what just happened? Didn’t i just tell that elf.. Ana… everything? I don’t mean just bits here and there - scrambled like when i’m thinking. No.. no.. i mean everything and it’s wonderful. I feel like floating. I told her about the demoness. The exorcism that Jas made Starlight do - oh Jas.. Wonder if you’re alright, Icy blue.
She didn’t know. I could tell - surprised and so was i. Isn’t that weird *snickers* never thought i’d trust a beautiful, powerful stranger elf like her but she was just…. she struck a chord - the right one!. Just like The boss do too - calm… stoic - annoying *sighs* brain - stop the rambling, stomach stop churning, Oh Raven of my heart…. You hold the rope!

I think Ana understands.. now.. How the fear takes a hold… makes my mind go on and on and on. I got to find the answers - got to stop the witches - got to save Florian - got to free the souls and in the end it all comes down to the fact that if he is ever in danger. I will do everything to save him. I told her… I would not want to do this alone - i want help by friends. I need Starlight to have my back... But by the lords of light and dark - stand in my way as i try to save him and i will fight you all. I will fight Lumi, Nomine and all of Starlight or die trying. I will use all i have.. and more… if you’re ever in danger Raven of my heart!

She’s so gentle, so caring. I’m surprised.. and warm all over. My heart suddenly feels light again. She said keeping secrets makes it worse, she’s right but how on earth can i trust them with their lives when all i hear is them judging every little thing? How can i trust them to hold the rope when i feel like they want to hang sweet Florian, dearest Philip and… him.. with it?

I’m not scared for me… My death comes when it comes, I’m ready for it. Fate knows it should have happened already - I’m constantly living on borrowed time - in the end there’s a debt to be paid and when the end comes i’ll gladly pay up. But they deserve better, He deserves better and I’ll make sure it gets better.!

He wants to meet them, Starlight… Oh heck! It means he’ll know.. He’ll know what i do, he’ll know what they think - can i let him? He sees me as i am and says to trust him. I know i should. I treat him so badly - having him cooped up at a mansion sitting idly when i know he wants to be out there, fighting… but i want him safe.. He made me spill the beans on Kilaya… Ravian - how can it be that i can not lie to you. Used to be so easy, now it’s near to impossible. You have corrupted me with your thoughts of honour and loyalty. I told him about the witch: Walking with a cane, speaking in riddles. She wears a brown, purplish old robe and a large compass around her neck. I first noticed the pouch from where she took the coin… i felt the witchery and suddenly i knew that Stormwind was not far enough to keep Ravian safe. Ohh.. my stomach churns again, wonder if i ate something wrong? Happens a lot these days. Maybe it’s the fish i had? or the stew? anyway.. back on track… where was i.. Oh yes.

Nomine knows about him too. I’m impressed how he keeps up. Not a lot of people keep up with what i’m saying. I confuse them. He tells me to get help to straighten out my wrinkled mind - “prepare” he says. “Make sure people know the right things about you”, he says… “you got to choose if ya want to remind people that you earned your place” he says…. but do i dare?

“You got to choose what an who you want to be” simple as that and yet not. Oh lords, boss. I don’t even know what’s up and down - how can i even make such a decision?

Then… “Can ya handle it like it is now, without fleeing”.… You… Anomen and Ravian know?… You know and accept. How is it possible? Ahh, Nomine, you grand man. For your safety too i would go far! but the question still stands… can i handle it at all?

“Trouble have a way of following ya, an sooner or later ya run out of road. Reckon running ain´t a solition for long term” Oh you’re SO right, Boss….. I’m staying.. you too.. hold the rope.
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#8 Post by Rey » Fri Oct 04, 2019 10:30 pm

4th of oct

So.. The Raven is out of the box.. literally...



Raven of my heart

Like dark wings descending
from a sky burning with fear
Like a gentle hand for comfort
when you feel the end is near

The calm before a storm
when you know you must stay strong
Like a thousand stars of guidance
when the roads you walk are wrong

A dance in midst of pain
with the music of the heart
Resting on a cloud of wonder
in the arms of natures art

Delicate the flower
is ice on a summer’s day
When the feet just feel like running
Like dreams that will make me stay

Like whispers in the wind
that reminds me who i am
In a thousand roars of anguish
a lion shelters a lamb

A raven in the snow
from a world unlike my own
Like a promise you can not trust
when you’re weary to the bone

The brutal slap of truth
that can mend a broken hope
Like a drowning child that clings
to love’s frail, desired rope
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#9 Post by Rey » Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:40 pm

6th of oct.
Sooo. cold.. I HATE the cold.. I can’t even think.. oh. it’s actually quite pretty here… look at that! damned my fingers are cold and my nose! what if my feet fall of? That would mean no more dancing, good riddance - Good thing Morrigan is warm.. so kind of her - very!

Oh lords. the stench yark! How can anyone live here and if that girl is here. She is right out of her mind to be living here - a damp cave and dead bodies and traps. Yaikes! traps!

Good thing we have so many skilled people in Starlight. I’m beginning to understand what it is Nomine is saying - we work best as a team.. or well… the others work best. I duck and cover and avoid dying.
They got to the girl though - scary looking, out of her wits and riding a giant white… bear. Go figure! *shivers* god it’s cold!

Hayhurst at least is thankful. He will have his work cut out for him with this one. I’ll stand by him, I will but i’m not sure about the girl.

Now.. i have to focus on Ravian again… and Florian too of course. I have an idea. I juuuust have to convince a few people that it’s actually a good idea. And then i need that damned coin too.
*sighs* There’s no way around it Rey, my dear.. You have to go to that guildmeeting as Nomine said. Talk to them.. show them that there’s more to you than dancing the night away… oh dancing - the swirly freedom of mind, body and soul. Nowhere am i as free, as safe, as extatic… nowhere else but in his arms.
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Rey
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 20, 2017 5:50 pm

Re: Reys (un)Reliable Ramblings

#10 Post by Rey » Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:23 pm

7th of oct
My heart is racing, my palms sweaty - how on earth this this become so hard. But he’s with me.. He’s right there, holding my rope, and my hand. I want to run but i don’t think there’s much running and hiding could do to help me.. And i would dissapoint them even more i think, Nomine and Ravian.
I tried to speak as clearly as possible. Told them about the souls i freed in the house that collapsed, tried to explain to them how i had gone undercover in the Marwanus family to find out what Florian was up to, only to learn that he was already under the witches hold. How the coven leader Hetta was really his grandmother and it all came down to the very bloodline itself.
Luckily Ravian was there to clarify as i tried to put into words how Florian slowly went mad and i had to bring back Ravian to save the family. He will stand by his words. I knew it the moment i met him - a feeling that he would be the one. It was almost as if every fiber in my body and soul just knew that he was connected far stronger to all of this than a cousin of Florian should be. As it turned out Ravian was the younger brother of Florian, a Marwanus himself it all came together. I know it was the right thing…. i know he was the right man.. I just know that he will be able to stop all this - once and for all. he will put all the restless souls to peace and finally after centuries free his bloodline from the witches.

I will stand by him if fate allows it. This is more clear than anything has ever been for me. No detached fragments of thought scatter this one goal so very clear to me. I know i will see this done too - one way or another and no matter how this plays out. Every inch of my being seems like it has been called to this as if meant to be. That night on the mountain when i first looked into his blue, serious eyes and saw how he set his jaw tight. When he grabbed my arm to lead me through camp… i knew above anything else… That this man and my fate was somehow linked.. Oh god! stop now… this is silly - Do i even believe in fate? Do i trust in something so flimsy as the conviction of a girls fluttering heart? Did he just enthrall me as i have done with so many others before him, unknowingly….. for the most part or… is this really the calling of destiny that has lead me across the seas - more than one, through the dancing, the hurt and the loneliness just to stand here now… this day, under the lighthouse in Starlight, holding his hand, knowing that nothing in this world or beyond will make me step off this path. I will stop the coven… I will go down on my knees begging everyone in Starlight, offering all i have to get the help i need and i will see it through. Only then… will i truly feel that i deserve to belong anywhere… In Starlight and by his side.

My only regret in all this.. is the hearts broken. I… should have known. I should have stopped it sooner but i… usually just walked away. I usually danced on into the night thankful for a moment of warmth and a loving embrace - leaving before it mattered, leaving before I mattered. This time… i have to own up to the wrongs i’ve made. This time i have to mend the broken hearts. This time i have to stay.. and face myself reflected in the hurts in their eyes.

I am -so- sorry…
Last edited by Rey on Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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