The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

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Anomen
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#61 Post by Anomen » Wed May 20, 2020 2:45 pm

*Would you like to.... Would you like to come with us?*

She seemed to warm up quite well to Ell, I didn't expect anything less.
Kept on rambling about how nice it was there and that she'd like to visit again some day to bake.
Thank you, Ellbry... It's good to see her relax every once in a while.
I'm glad that she's taking to other people, will make it a lot easier when I- IF I....
It doesn't matter.
As long as she is smiling, as long as she doesn't have to suffer... All will be alright.
...It will all be alright....

Got handed a bunch of things by Irenya to take with me to the meeting tonight.
She also seems to be quite excited when the topic of that story comes up...
It's a wonderful thing to see, it makes me feel like I didn't waste my time with writing it.
Apparently she has already found a person that was interested in reading it as well...
Guess I have to actually do something with it now, huh...
Still need to keep the promise I made to read it to Sienna, think I will do so when she comes home from her teachings today.

Haven't slept in my own bed for awhile now, I can barely enter the room without feeling nauseous.
The ground in my research room works well enough... to a certain point.
Same goes for the bath, though I can only fall asleep in there when I'm drinking... I don't want her to see me like that.
Not again.

Got a letter from Marisa, seems that she is making progress.
Though I wonder if there even is a point to this 'Soul searching' journey.
Or if there will ever be an end.
Arius, meanwhile, seems to be back out to lead again.
Seems that he is much happier to be out on the road again.
...Makes me wonder what it'd be like to wander again, myself.
But this time... without the ever looming presence of -Her-

(There are many lines scratched through a drawing, the only thing able to be gathered from it is long, black hair)
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Anomen
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#62 Post by Anomen » Thu May 21, 2020 7:36 pm

*I.. just want to feel you close. I want you to... hold me and promise me you... You... will not do that to me.. again...*

Tried to step in the room again.
It's hard to clean the floor when you are standing outside the doorway.
Didn't get much sleep that night, again.
It's starting to show... quite obviously, even.
But there is no point in trying to hide it.
I'll just end up being reprimanded over it.

Managed to keep my promise to Irenya and sat down with the little one to read the story to her.
Sienna loved the story but she seemed to be crying when I read the last part.
When I asked, she said that it reminded her of when we first met.
It hurt.
Held her until she cried herself to sleep.
I did the same.

Remembered that I had made plans to visit Pandaria with Czele when I woke up.
Managed to get out of the bath well enough to make it on time.
She took me to look at the place where the cloud serpents are taken care of, I think it's called the Arboretum.
Spoke about multiple different topics, answered some questions and got some of my own answered.
Nothing more cozy than discussing the best way to make sure an enemy won't return while looking over a view of water, hills and clouds.
Will have to do it again.

Managed to get the orders in.
I'm not willing to have it published but I will have a few copies to give to people who are interested.
Will see if anybody is so on the guild meet.
And if not, I can always hand use them as fuel for the fireplace.
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#63 Post by Anomen » Fri May 22, 2020 2:03 pm

*By the Light and the Goddess, why is it so hard... It used to all be so much simpler when the only thing I had to worry about was to know how to treat my own wounds as I was five inches away from death's door....*

Ellbry didn't really seem to be... aware?
Was quite out of his mind, honestly.
Though... seeing as it is Ellbry, I don't think I need to be too concerned since such things have happened to him before.
...That feels so wrong to say.... Damn....
I hope you'll feel better soon, you really deserve to.
And thank you for making the vest for Sienna... she was so happy and ran around wearing it with pride.
Philias, please keep him safe... and yourself as well.

Something got delivered at my house last night.
Half expected it to be an explosive but it seemed to be a simple meal care package.
I quite enjoyed the food, so did Sienna as well.
Though... It did make me smile and feel... something.
Light on my feet?
Thank you... 'unknown' menace, I'll try to rest more.

Stood in front of the door again.
I didn't even dare to touch the knob this time.
Went to one of the spare rooms I was planning to turn in to a guest room, the bed wasn't made and it was just a mattress on the floor.
But to me, that mattress was the most comforting thing I had laid down on for weeks.
Will finish the room today, since I feel like a guest in my own home.
Plus... it will be handy for when I can't do this alone anymore...
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#64 Post by Anomen » Sat May 23, 2020 12:52 pm

*I'll do whatever I can to protect you and keep you safe, Sienna... I promise.*

Finished the room, it is.... bare.
But the bed is fine enough for me to sleep on.
Still quite hard to sleep in an empty bed, alone.
Yet I have no choice...
I need to be at my best to not disappoint Sienna.
...and I need to keep my promise.

I was given the pleasure to see Irenya again and she had more food in tow.
A pot of soup, put it away in the cooling spot so that I can give some to Sienna later.
It seems that she really has taken it on herself to make sure Sienna and I are doing alright...
Told me to keep the cloth she gave me when I tried to return it with a new copy of the story.
To see it as a symbol of gratitude.
...I'm keeping this safe since it is a part of you... and as such, makes me feel safe.
She then asked me if she could read the book to an audience of young children.
Of course she could!
We eventually moved over towards the usual spot... the spot that makes me feel more relaxed every time I meet her there.
And this time I...
Even though I spoke about things that slowly tore me apart to even bring up, she kept making me feel like I could go on.
It may be the fact that looking at her then was...
Well, I have no words to explain that.
But I will definitely remember that.

Took Sienna for a walk this morning, the girl proudly wearing her new vest together with her scarf.
She was so happy, her long red hair bouncing around as she skipped about, full of energy.
...It was truly a reassurance to my heart to see her like that.
I will pull this off, I swear it.
Even if... it will be hard.
Because I made a promise.
A promise that I will uphold through anything.
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#65 Post by Anomen » Sun May 24, 2020 9:04 am

*I have... killed people. Innocent people. Children. I was forced to, my body used as a vessel... but still, it weighs heavy on both my mind and soul that I couldn't....*

Was spending some time just thinking over a bowl of soup.
About what I want to do and where I want to go.
I gained more questions than answers but I was roused from that line by some talk about a deal.
If they truly choose to do such a trade without finding out more about those crystals that seem to be nothing but trouble...
If it turns out they accepted blood money, I want nothing to do with them anymore.
...I have already seen too many people fall from needless things...

Ended up having a chat with Lilliana and Lylieth.
Was quite nice, though I could have done with less dead sea gulls.
Eventually went to the Golden Keg with just Lylieth and just chatted about several things over some ale.
It's good to know that at least SOMEONE still has their head on their shoulders.
Need to do it again sometime.
Conwal stopped by as well and it made me happy to hear that he's found something he wants to try.
Might send him towards Aldus' way, those two are both nervous loners that like alchemy.
Damn the fact that I had thrown my stone in to my bag, though...
Ran towards there as fast as I could in my other form, if Ellbry says he is in danger, I'll come running.
Said he felt like he was being followed, a very serious thing if it were true.
Did what I could to make him feel safe and walked him home together with Conwal and Lylieth.
Went home after seeing that.... Month guy.

Crashed quickly enough in the new bed after sitting there with the cloth, thinking.
I need to find something to give back, to show my own gratitude.
Though... what would it be?
Can't be something simple... she deserves much better.
Something... meaningful.
...I'll find something.
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#66 Post by Anomen » Mon May 25, 2020 12:58 pm

*We all need a little bit of hope in our lives."

How hilariously coincidental that Eileena asked me to meet up when I was contemplating how to best... breach the distance, or so to say.
It was quite enjoyable yet also... melancholic.
I could greatly recognize myself in how she felt yet... how long has she felt like that? How many times?
She also gave me some much needed confidence in... getting out of the mold I'm stuck in.
Let her know that if I could do anything to help, that I would be there.
And that she has great strength for trying to expand from what she knows.
Will have to look her up again at some point.

Handed out some copies of the story at the meeting.
I'm happy that people were interested and I definitely hope that they will enjoy it.
Had some fun with the one I signed for Syra...
Fairly certain I'll get it thrown at the back of my head when she figures out but damn it, comedy requires me to do it!

Met Irenya at the usual spot again, more serene every time we meet.
She has been excited about the story since the start so I wasn't surprised when I saw her brighten like that when she told me how glad she was that I decided to share it.
I'm glad she didn't seem to mind when I tried to offer her support during the meeting by putting a hand on her shoulder.
Made me smile when she wanted a second copy of the book for when she was out on the road.
Then I... decided to give the gift and she seemed to enjoy it greatly.
When she hugged me in return, I felt myself at peace; actual peace.
And when she accepted my offer to have her stay for a meal instead of just delivering it, I was already looking forward to it.
The story about the fox was heartwarming and seeing her talking like that is always nice.
Another meeting, another improvement in my rest.
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#67 Post by Anomen » Mon May 25, 2020 9:24 pm

*They are gone because they were weak, where do you think you will go if you show the same weakness?*

Well then, I wasn't expecting to be given such a gift.
Quite a precious little owl you are, aren't you?
What should your name be...
Hey, hey, hey!
No need to knock on your cage so much, let me just- And it flew away.
Must be hungry, Irenya said that they would feed themselves.
Though, his knocking....
Knocks? Nox? Nox.
There we go, Nox the Owl.
My sheer genius can not be contained!
....Genius, my ass... more like stupidity, heh.
You'll be a great addition to the family, Nox.
And now I can easily get in contact with Irenya if the need is there...
How would she react if I send over just a note with a joke written on it?
"Nox is having a hoot of a time with us!"
...It's still a working idea, I have time to make it better.
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