The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#51 Post by Anomen » Fri Oct 25, 2019 4:48 pm

*I'm broken, I'm beaten, I'm mistreaten and I'm torn.*

You know, after that talk...
It doesn't hurt so much anymore.
I'll find someone else eventually.
...Still hurts.

Thinking about everything that's going on, I'm surprised I have managed to keep up with some things.
Reya wants me to help her.
Like she even had to ask, hah.
She'll always have me at her side.
Because after all, two peas in a pod, right?
With you till the end of the line and then some.

I need to seek out Mirna.
See if she thought of anything about how she didn't freeze up last time.
I've been thinking about it a bit myself and I only see a possibility of it being her doing it out of worry.
Though... there's another possibility but I don't think that that is plausible.
After all, why would she feel like that about me?

On a side note...
I keep seeing a man that seems familiar to me...
Black armour with a fitting helmet.
Why can't I remember...
Seems to be new in town, constantly looking around.
Never seems to notice me, must probably be too busy with his sight seeing.
And that sword stares back at me when he turns his back to me.
Keeps blinking at me.
What the fuck?

(There's nothing on the page besides the written words)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#52 Post by Anomen » Tue Nov 12, 2019 11:20 am

*One big, happy, dysfunctional family*

I was talking with Arius in front of the gates of Stormwind, trying to help him decide on what he should do from now on.
Well, I did not expect to see her running up to me and almost tackling me.
It was Marisa, she finally went to come see me.
She was crying with joy as she couldn't even manage to speak with how excited she was.
Meanwhile, Arius just looked at us with a raised eyebrow and I told him who she was.
He introduced himself and she looked at him with shock before looking back at me.
I couldn't contain my laughter as she straight up punched him in the face before pulling him in for a hug.
Arius returned the hug after wiping away a bit of blood and he softly chuckled as well.
We spent a long while talking and discussing things.
Marisa was surprised to hear about everything from both me and Arius, a sad look on her face until I cheered her up by talking about Ejlah and Sienna.
Then she told us that she'd be moving in to the city as well and that she hoped to run in to our friends.
Arius immediately looked at me and made a comment about me being the only one with friends.
We went for a walk through the city and made some jokes about each other.
Eventually, we got to the canals and Arius made a comment that I didn't really appreciate...
Well, I think he didn't appreciate being pushed in the canal, either but oh well.
After lugging him out, he decided to call it a night and he went home, not before glaring at me however.
Marisa and I went to a quiet spot before taking the chance to talk with each other.

She asked me about how I was doing and if I was happy.
I responded that I didn't know.
As I'm writing this, I"m still thinking about it....
I am happy when I'm with certain people.
Varric and Philias, Ejlah and Sienna, Reya and Moonlight, Arius and Marisa.
But when I'm alone... I still feel awful.
I feel the weight of everything that I carry with me.
However... I have people that keep me standing.
And I am so glad to have them.
No matter what comes, I'll protect them.
Because I want to.
I won't die for you guys.... No, I'll live for you.

(At the bottom of the page there is a drawing of Anomen, Arius and Marisa huddled together. They are all smiling)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#53 Post by Anomen » Tue Dec 03, 2019 12:41 pm

*I can't believe I'm standing here at all, I can't believe I made it this far, On my way with a smile on my face, See the top and I'm not falling off*

When I saw Nomine look at me and then I heard my name mentioned, I was expecting another scolding.
For what reason, I didn't know... though, I always do stuff that means I deserve to get that.
But as Nomine kept speaking, I began to realize that it wasn't a scolding at all.
Wondering what he was getting at, I was surprised when he said that I'd be a full member if I accepted it.
Of course I would accept!
Starlight is my family.
Made plans to go have a celebration afterwards.

I was the first to arrive, not a surprise.
Already I had heard people saying they wouldn't come over the stone.
Bah... Hearing those two trying to make me have my celebration with someone's recruitment spiel...
Makes me wonder if she really wants to be friends as she makes it seems like.
If I really still am important in some way to her... Guess I should stop trying to make it all work and just let it slowly die out.
But I didn't let it get to me as I just tried to have fun with everyone who was there.
Fun night of drinking, playing games, dancing with Ellbry and just stupid talk.
As if there was no care in the world.
...If only that was true.

(At the bottom there is a drawing of a star shaped pin with a glowing blue gem in the middle of it)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#54 Post by Anomen » Sun Dec 08, 2019 5:00 pm

*I swear with all my heart, every word I write for you is true and I won't hesitate to give my all for you.*

It was a horrible experience to see.
For five years, I got tortured every day.
For five years, I prayed for death.
For five years, I spent every moment in pain.
And still, nothing that happened in those five years could compare to the pain of having to watch the one I love be tortured like that while I had to stand by and watch.

I tried to bargain for Ejlah's freedom but to no avail.
All they want is knowledge, they don't even care about who she is... they just want the markings on her skin.
And now... now I have to do a job for them to at least be allowed to watch over her while they do their... thing.
When they left and I pulled her in to my arms to carry her to bed, I felt sick.
She felt so cold, so limp...
I laid her down, helped her gather her bearings a little and rushed to check on Sienna when Ejlah was concerned.
She was still sleeping but I could hear a crash coming from my room.
I closed the door and rushed back to find Ejlah on the ground, very distraught about Sienna's safety.
After putting her back to bed, we had a long talk about everything.
About Sienna's and my own safety, about the robed people and about... about us.
For what felt like the umpteenth time, it seemed like she wanted out.

I was scared but also frustrated with how all of this was going so... I asked her again.
I asked her what she wanted to do with everything, what she wanted to do with us.
She seemed to fall back in to her previous habit and belief that she didn't matter.
That she didn't have the right to do something as simple as wanting something.
With pain, I told her how much I loved her.
How much I want her to be there at my side, for us to be the parents Sienna needs together.
And for the first time since I have started to try to get her to be herself... she seemed to open up.
She wanted me to show that the dream she has is more than just that.
So.... I sat down with her and told her just how much I wanted to be with her.
That I would fight for her until the very end.
And to proof this, I handed her the stone with part of my soul in it.
Of course, this was just a test to see how she would react.
The real thing I wanted to give her...

I grabbed the box with the last jewelry of House Barrin.
And I gave it to her.
The look she had as she looked over the necklace, earrings and the rings was wonderful to see.
And then I took the chance I had.
I offered her one of the rings.
She looked so shocked, tears filling up her beautiful eyes as I kneeled down before her.
I swore that I would do whatever I could to make her happy.
And after helping her dismiss all of the doubts that she wasn't good enough, that I should reconsider... She said yes.
She asked me to not tell anyone until that robed Order had been dealt with.
Until we knew she was safe.
Well... I kind of told Aldus already but he knows to keep quiet about it.

I swear that I will fight for you, Ejlah.
For both you and Sienna.
Together we will be a family... and together we will get through anything that comes for us.

(At the bottom of the page there is a drawing of two rings, both are made out of gold and have a beautiful blue crystal embedded in them)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#55 Post by Anomen » Sun Dec 15, 2019 2:24 pm

(some of Anomen's thoughts during the Witch Hunt)

By the Light, of course it had to be the only shirt I had in my bag.
Of course it had to be hers and now it's riddled with holes and burn marks.
I have to find something to cover up or else I'll end up getti- What the f...
Can't see or breath... Is that...
Illina, no, you're gone, Sunshine and I made sure of that... didn't we?
It's.... Damn, my stomach...
No, you're not taking me...
I'm me... I know I am...
...Was it all for nothing...
Am I just doomed to forever live in fear...
In fear of her coming back...
Wait... a warm feel... Re- What just....
Where is it, I can't feel it...
Where are you...

-------------------

...Why... why can't I find you, I reach out and out but....
..Haze everywhere, no rest, nothing...
Brother... Please, help me...
Thank you...
Thank you...

-------------------

Fuck, this water feels awful.
First I get my wounds healed through song, then through flowers and then through some random stuff.
Still can't reach her, should ask on stone.
....she....
no... no... no...
That can't be...
This isn't happening,,,
I... I... I'm sorry, Reya...
Why....

-------------------

Gods, what is this vile taste...
My eyes, they fucking hurt...
Cheeks are wet, can barely see.
Preston?
Fuck, I feel like shit...
Reya...
Syra seems to be fine, at least.
All of this shit going on...
Flying home now.
I swear, I'll do whatever I can to make sure you are back where you belong, my dear Reya.
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#56 Post by Anomen » Mon Mar 02, 2020 12:15 pm

*It's hard to believe how much I have changed in such a short amount of time yet here I am... with a life worth living.*

Hello, old friend. It has been awhile.
Many things happened since I have last spoken to you.
Recalling all of them won't help me feel better but I can happily tell you one thing.
I am finally truly free.
Through the aid of a great friend of mine, I have the choice to live my life.
And, I... well, uh.... I have to say that even just a few months ago, I never could have dreamed of what I have.
I have friends that stand at my side and... a family.
A fiancee and a daughter... who would have ever thought that?
Love is such a... crazy thing.
Hey, I know I already rambled on and on about how weird is to you, old friend... but I just can't wrap my head around it.
And now that I am fully myself again, my thoughts and feelings are my own.
When I look at her, I feel safe. When I look at her, I feel happy. When I look at her, I no longer feel alone. When I look at her... I see the world.
For she is my world.

Hahah... I just realized that I can finally see the little one again now.
Oh Sienna... who knew that a little street urchin could capture my heart so much...
I just saw her holding you and she told me about your misfortune... I couldn't possibly leave you out there.
Even your new mother called me foolish. Saying that while she could obviously feel how deeply I care... that it was erratic, chaotic and confusing.
Did you know that she once described me as being like a storm? Hahah... truly a fitting description for me, no?
But if I think of how much we have gone through... I can no longer imagine a life without having you around, my dear child.
Remember Winter's Veil? I spent so much time trying to get in contact with Secalle and look how that went!
I was a few seconds away from being stabbed but I didn't falter.
Even stood up for myself... what an interesting thing.
The fear I felt through everything around that time was bigger than anything before... it made the revelation that you'd stay with us all the better.
...I am so happy that I'm going to be able to see you again.

It's funny... it was basically the same as with Ejlah, huh?
I saw her randomly, a person in the middle of the crowd.
Yet something about her just... caught my attention.
And while I was helping her out that day, I realized that she would be important to me, somehow.
Guess that we all know now why she would be important, hahah.
It was quite a struggle for the both of us, wasn't it, my love?
We both kept pushing the other away without wanting that to happen.... misunderstandings happened almost every minute.
But through it all, we kept trying. When I was in pain, you were there for me.
When I was feeling more alone than I ever had before, you were there for me.
And when I was on the verge of giving up.... you were there for me.
Thank you, my love. You truly are my world.

You must be wondering what we did, right? To get rid of that vile woman once and for all?
Well, Ell and I had to do some stuff beforehand to prepare...
Gotta say, it is quite distressing to see a good friend of yours become an entirely different person that then starts to act... way differently.
...If I could, I'd remember every training session we did.
But it was all worth it when he managed to actually do it.
Not even in a thousand years would I be able to show how thankful I am for his help.

What else is there... Well, aside from the odd stuff here and there, I think I covered most of the things and the things that I left out I'll keep out because wouldn't want to overburden you with too much of my problems.
Probably lots of rambling but that's what I always do, hm?
I hope that I won't put you away for another few months before I talk to you again, would be quite rude of me to do so.
And so I will bid you goodbye.
See you around, old friend.

(Throughout the page there are several drawings relating to the subjects that are written down)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#57 Post by Anomen » Thu Apr 30, 2020 1:39 pm

*You know what your destiny is. You always have.*

It feels odd speaking to you while I'm somewhere else than my research room.... but I can't really work on this in there.
Working with leather isn't really my thing but hey, a new experience.
Where is the damn note with the measu- There we go, alright.
Oh yeah, I opened you up.
Been a while again, huh?
Well, nothing much besides the usual happened.
Almost died multiple times, have had to lie to get things done, have an injury that might possibly be permanent if I don't learn to stop going out and so on.
But still, it's different than how it was a year ago... I now have someone to disappoint.
Will it be like this for the rest of my life?
Just... coming home in pain and then suffering even more because of the look on her face?

Starting to get somewhere with this, at least.
What to share... Oh, I acted like a racist bigot last night.
I don't feel right talking like that but what was I supposed to do?
Flashing some skin and batting eyelashes isn't really going to work for me... even if it is a woman or a man that likes that.
After all, who wants to see such horrid scars?
But we did it, Chit has the log and she will let us know whatever is in there that could be of use.
Though I still worry for that woman.
Gave her enough silver to keep her fed for a while but what if there are people wanting to keep all of this covered up?
But... that's probably just my old paranoia and fear returning.

Sat down with Aldus some time ago, as well.
Helped me relax and see things I couldn't before.
Though, I still owe him a punch for talking about a child of mine having horns or hooves...
Seems that he is dealing with enough of his own problems, however.
Need to get him out more, have him get out of the bunker he has created around himself.

There we go, it is done!
Just need to put in the final things and I can... I don't know, put it in a box and wrap it with a black ribbon?
I'll work that out.
Anyways, I'll catch you later, journal.

(There is no drawing though there is a scorch mark that looks like something clawed the page at the bottom)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#58 Post by Anomen » Fri May 01, 2020 9:34 pm

*Twist and turn, from dawn to dusk, lesson learned, now a husk*

What a mess...
Oh shuddit, you can't complain about me having you open while I clean, at least you finally get attention again.
Anyways, the little shite just had to steal it and try it out for himself.
I'm surprised that I managed to contain the damage to only one table but still....
I liked that table.
Oh well, maybe it will find that old chair I destroyed in the furniture afterlife.
Get together and have some... I don't know, those weird ass chair/desk hybrid babies.

However, at least I managed to test it out a bit.
While the shield does seem to keep out any incoming threats- to a certain limit that I still haven't necessarily figured out- it still allows anything going through it from the inside.
No idea if the main function of it works, which is funny.
Still need to figure out a way to charge it up beyond my own energy.

There we go, that's most of the remains put together, now to just put it in a bag.
Fishing trip was quite nice, Aldus and Nyleria were good company.
Didn't even try to reel in a singular fish, though.
Master fisher, right here!
But... if we truly do decide to go dynamite fishing on the next trip, that will probably not end up making people happy.
We shall see, we shall see.

Wait... Pagmir, no, please, don't!
Don't touch the bo

(There seems to be several instructions on how to do... something at the bottom of the page.)
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#59 Post by Anomen » Mon May 11, 2020 3:34 pm

*Fuel it, feed it your essence. What do you mean, get rid of it?*

A weird feeling I haven't felt for a while...
Ah well, it is probably nothing.
Anyways, I have opened you once again to give you my ramblings.
I finally finished that story I was writing, the silly one.
Was originally planning to just leave it be but I got some inspiration to finish it from a certain someone.
Gave her the rough, finished product and she seemed to get really excited over it for a moment.
Have to admit, that sure managed to make me smile and feel happy to see something so... adorable?
Well, uh... waiting to see what she thinks of it.
I hope well.

The night I had planned seemed to go well enough, people enjoyed themselves.
Thinking of how and where I would do it if I do it again.
Would be truly a blessing to be able to help people get along with others.
After all... I more than know the experience of feeling left out and alone.
....I still do, sometimes....
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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#60 Post by Anomen » Mon May 18, 2020 5:16 pm

*No matter the cost. No matter....*

The cracks are slowly closing.
I am not sure if she has caught on to it but...
It doesn't matter, it has happened.
She will be kept safe and I will make sure I do all I can to help her grow well.

Don't feel like I can say much more to you....
The mood to speak just isn't really there.
Though I am happy that I'm getting to talk to different people for once, keeps me sane to know there are more than four people in the world that would be willing to talk to me.
Now, time to close you for today... apologies for keeping it short but I just... I can't do this right now.
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