The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

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The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#1 Post by Anomen » Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:23 am

*For those who I see every day wishing death on me; I can promise you with the utmost sincerity that I want to die much more than you want me to.*

The scar on my chest is slowly breaking my sanity, I know what it is like to be on the edge of death, Illina made me feel that enough times back when she tortured me and this is definitely the same.
I don't sleep anymore, every time I close my eyes I can hear her calling to me.

Aldus is mad at me, saying that I'm too reckless and should learn to take care of myself, does he not realize I'm helping people because I barely have any time left?
He is always mad at me, this little shit fakes his death multiple times and then he has the gall to get mad at me?
In a way, I wish I had never offered him the room in my house, I don't like people knowing what my room looks like and he swears he never looked in it but i know better, I know how he is.

I swear I can hear my mother calling out my name whenever I'm alone, her voice gnawing at my heart and slowly making me break down.
Illina, I swear that you will fall.
And if not by my hand, then I'll let Sunshine take care of you.
I just wonder... Will I still be able to survive without your ...blessing keeping me alive?
Will my wounds just instantly take me out or will I be able to call for help?
No, I won't die, I can't die, I need to go on.
Not necessarily for myself but for Aldus, for Syra and for.... you mother.

I just wish that Marisa would want me in her life, I visited her again recently and I didn't get another reaction.
Another scar, on my right side, barely went in me before I pushed her off.
Running, screams behind me, shots fired at me.
I'm not normal, I'm a freak of nature, cursed to hurt the ones I care for.

(The rest is just an illegible mess that got hit by some liquid, leaving drops scattered over it)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#2 Post by Anomen » Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:21 pm

*Why should I stick around, when all I do is let you down?*

It's becoming harder to resist her call, Syra noticed me listening tonight.
Illina is promising me that she won't hurt anyone close to me and that they'll have a place in her new world.
But I'm still not giving in, I need to get rid of her, I need to go on.

Miss Lia wasn't doing well, I should have realized there was something going on in the afternoon, I maybe could have prevented this.
I always fail people, I always realize things too late and I will never manage to understand how people work.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be with people, should look into becoming a hermit, get a long fancy beard and get a goat.
I'll call him Bull and see how he reacts, should be a fun experience.

Another day, another argument with Sunshine.
I don't know why but one moment she makes me happy and the other she makes me feel... empty?
Is that how to put it? Whatever.
The point is, we just can't seem to talk without problems coming up.
Should look into avoiding her after the soulstone operation, for her own sake.
Need to write a letter to explain it, never liked letters.
Why write a letter when you can just say it in person, but this I can't get off of my chest in person.
Pagmir doesn't like her, he doesn't like anyone to be honest.
Keeps saying that she is dangerous.
Side note: Find another way to numb the pain, I can feel my chest pounding and burning every moment.

The visions won't stop and Syra told me that they probably don't mean anything because they are different.
They are not different, all of them put on a line makes out a full story.

We go in, we get split up, I manage to find Syra but she's already being messed up by Illina.
I yell at her to go for me, she drops her and she falls onto the ground, a crumbled mess.
I start walking up to her and she calls out to me.
A sword appears in my hand and she looks at me with a frightened look.
A slash, a scream, a splatter of blood.
Illina looks down at me, and then I'm looking down at myself.
My body gives a sinister smile and a wave before disappearing, leaving me to realize what has happened.
I slowly go to her body and see what is left of her.
The visions end and I can't help but hear Illina laugh in my head.

I'm running out of time.

(The words give in are scribbled at the bottom repeatedly, seemingly written in blood.)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#3 Post by Anomen » Fri Aug 16, 2019 11:40 am

(The first page written in the journal, written with a messy handwriting)
*I tried to make a friend, no one was a friend to me.*

Dear diary, journal thingy whatever you are,
Today I was playing with Pagmir and Marisa in my room when Mum asked me to come downstairs.
I told Marisa to have fun with Pagmir as I walked downstairs and saw a strange woman.
She started talking about things like potential and other stuff I didn't understand, I was too busy trying to understand why she was here.
Mum.... she told me that she was to train me and that she would help me learn more about Pagmir.
I was filled with joy as I got told to pack some clothes, rushing upstairs and doing it while Marisa clung onto my leg.
Why was she crying? I was finally going to know what was going on with me!
I pushed her off of me and told her to stop crying and to grow up.
When I came back downstairs, the woman was gone and Mum told me that she would be back tomorrow to pick me up and that I should go head to bed early, she seemed to be close to crying, doesn't she want me to be happy either?
She gave me this journal, said it was a gift from the woman and that I should write in it.
And now we are here!
I'm so excited and I can't wait until tomorrow, so I have to say goodbye for now, journal!

(The bottom of the page has been cried on and has more written in neat handwriting)

Mother.... Marisa.... I am so sorry....

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#4 Post by Anomen » Fri Aug 16, 2019 10:22 pm

*What have I gotten into this time around, I know that I had sworn I'd never trust anyone again but I didn't have to, you had me at hello*

The day is coming closer.
Talked with Syra about it and we have prepared as much as we could.
That woman... what is wrong with her, why is it that I can stay mad at anyone else but not her?
We went to a bar with some of the others, and of course I had to mess everything up, like I always do.

I walked away but I felt like I had to go back, and on my way back I saw Syra.
She didn't look well at all, she looked absolutely wasted.
I tried to walk the concern off when I saw her throwing up on the streets.
No longer caring about her possibly being mad at me, I ran towards her and tried to check if she was alright.
We talked a bit but I... I had to get out.
My chest... It started burning again and pounding, I'm running out of time!
I came back after awhile and we talked a bit more.
Sunshine... Who are you?
You act so strong, but there's something behind that wall.
And I want to know, you don't have to be alone.

Sunday, Sunday we will do the operation.
I'll finally make my own destiny, or die trying.
I know what I want now, and I'll be damned if Illina stops it.
Mother, I promise to make something with my life.
I won't find a wife though, no one would want me.
But I will make sure that I have fun.
Anomen Barrin will no longer take it anymore.

(A small drawing of an older woman, Anomen and a girl with long black hair is at the bottom, smiles on their faces.)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#5 Post by Anomen » Fri Aug 16, 2019 10:46 pm

(The second page in the journal, the words are written as if the writer was constantly shaking.)
*Well I lost control when I was only a boy, The world taught me angst when I deserved joy.*

Dear Journal,
I'm scared, Journal.
The week... it was horrible.
My arms are covered in wounds and my face...
She burned my face, made a fireball blow up in it.
As I was crying on the floor, she laughed at me and told me that I would have to harden up to learn.
I don't want to learn, I don't want to do this, I want to hold Mum and Marisa....
Aldus, please save me.
You are the strong one of us, you know how to do things.
Please make the evil woman go away....
I'm begging you...

(The rest of the page has become illegible because of tears staining it and making the ink run)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#6 Post by Anomen » Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:30 pm

*Won't let your problems weigh me down, when I leave this, when I leave this way.*

I'm alive.
I can hear myself think again and I can finally feel something other than pain.
I suspected something was up with this fight but I didn't expect it to go like this...
Syra did it, the absolute madwoman fucking did it.
While I was in the darkness, I thought I was dead.
But then the darkness got pierced by a light, and I could see Syra.
And then after trying to reach out, she got me there and we killed Illina.
The stone is now glowing blue and my eyes are faintly glowing blue as well, same for my energy.
....It's starting to really hit me.
I can finally live, I can finally try to make something with my life.
And I know what I want.
I want to be with Starlight, help them as much as I can.
I want to make sure Aldus stays safe.
And... I want to be there for my savior as much as possible.

Mother, I made it.
I'll do everything I can to get back in contact with Marisa.
And... I will take on the Barrin name again.
I'll make you proud.
Anomen Barrin is a new man that will do anything he can to bring honor back to his family name.

Illina, you failed.
You horrible, awful, disgusting woman, you fucking failed.
I'm still walking and breathing.
I'm now my own man.
And I'll be damned if I ever let another bitch like you attempt to take control from me.

(At the bottom there is a small drawing of the soulstone, now blue, with a faint drawing of Anomen and Syra stabbing Illina in it)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#7 Post by Anomen » Sun Aug 18, 2019 10:11 pm

*All I want is a place to call my own, To mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone*

Interesting meeting tonight.
Actually got along with people for once.
It made Syra happy, at least.
Even had a somewhat... normal conversation with Morrigan.
Weird woman but I like her, just on the right level of creepy.

Sunshine is going to meet Marisa for me....
In the name of the Light, I'm going to regret this.
Both ways are frightening.
Them hating each other and nothing coming from it or them absolutely hitting it off and then both insulting me.
I wish I could show Syra how much I appreciate her help, I just wonder why she keeps doing it...

(At the bottom there is a drawing of Anomen smiling and looking at something that has been left undrawn)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#8 Post by Anomen » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:28 pm

*I've been laying in my bed wishing I had never woken. Begging the Light to rid my head of every word you've ever spoken*

I don't have much for you now, Journal.
Just... FUCK
I'll get over it... I'll get over it...
...Why did I even say anything...

(The rest of the page is filled with random swear words)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#9 Post by Anomen » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:46 pm

*I'm coming to the conclusion, I think I would rather be, Anyone else but me*

I'm probably making a mistake and I'm probably going to end up ruining our friendship....
But fuck it, I'm sick of swallowing my words.
Probably going to get a no anyways, but I have to try.
Because if I don't, I'll regret it.
I finally understand what the feeling was these last few days....
By the Light, I can't put to words how sorry I feel for her for meeting me....

(The bottom is covered in scribbles that were then scratched over, leaving a lot of indecipherable drawings)

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Re: The Ravings of a Mad Man (Anomen's Journal)

#10 Post by Anomen » Tue Aug 20, 2019 10:16 pm

*My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me?*

By the Light....
I need some sleep.

(The bottom has a small drawing that became illegible after a huge stripe went through it, seeming like the writer slipped or fell.)

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