What i can never tell you:

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What i can never tell you:

#1 Post by Philias » Thu Oct 03, 2019 9:04 am

Dear Caroline,
It has been a while since something truly noteworthy happened in my life. The last time i wrote you, i have returned to Stormwind and taken a room at the inn.
How times have changed, my Dear.

That was years ago.
If i even remember correctly, it was about the last time i wrote a letter at all. Shortly before i got informed of your demise. And look at me now. Writing to you again despite the knowledge that my letters will never reach you again.

Sweet Caro, how fate turns as the sands of time run through our fingers.
My dear friend Varric introduced me to a… rather lively group of friends. Or more of a makeshift family for him.
I am without doubt that even i will find my place in this colorful bunch that calls themselves Starlight.

They invited me to join on a ride through nature the other day, hosting a pick-nick of sorts where everyone could eat to their heart's content. Dishes of fish, plenty of booze for those that brought some, hidden away in a spot so tranquil that i forgot the time entirely.
You know what they say Caroline. Time flies when you have fun.

And fun i had plenty!

I still remember the little monkeys running around as we played with a gift given to us by his Lordship. We had entertaining moments with rock-skipping, storytelling, and a rather embarrassing moment on my part including a druid that had transformed into the prettiest doe i have ever set eyes on.

Caroline… I was so embarrassed once i found out!

She was perfect, my Dear. Shiny fur, a cute wet nose. And fooled me. Well and truly. If only my nose would work i would've known!
At least i know that no one will hold this against me.

They let me join their ranks that night, Caroline. I am no longer on my own, and dare to even say that i can already see the promising little buds of friendship grow with different people of this group.

You would like them i think. They even have a little gnome! An interesting little fella! And so short! I will have to see to it that i don't trample over him by accident!
Oh i already hear your voice reprimanding me! Full of mockery and tease. You would've laughed at my expense no doubt. As you did so often before.

The memory of your laughter alone is worth my dignities expense. I miss it dearly.

I miss you dearly.

Your ever loyal Servant.

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#2 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:04 pm


I don't even know what to say…

Today was a mess.
I joined an excursion to northrend. The first time i have been back out in the field with an entire group of people in years! Over a dozen people came to help Varric on his quest of finding a woman he once knew.

Between you and me… I felt performance anxiety. Being put in a leading role, even if only to spearhead the travel, was an eyeopener.
I lost my edge.

I failed to make sure that no-one got left behind. People could've been lost entirely. Guess this foolish fleabag was lucky that one of the team-members got caught in a beartrap and 'only' injured.
She will be fine… But just imagining what could've happened is enough to send a shiver down my spine and wish to be able to curl up in a dark corner and hide. Or drown my thoughts in booze. Or both.

It is evident, i lost my bite, Caroline.

Those years in retirement have done no good to me.
The fact that i shot more bullets today than in the past year together speaks for itself i may say.
And not in good ways.

A worgen without bite is not much more than a glorified lapdog.

And Varric…
He found a member of his family. Not immediate family, but close enough to be called so. Something about that little lass just does not seem right to me.
She swung her weapon at him without even realising who he was.
That moron even took his helmet off…
Mayor rule on the battlefield, never drop your helmet unless you want to be injured.
He could've been hit in the head… or worse. Shot.

Although i might do so myself the next time i see him. What has he been thinking! Risking so much for a pretty face?
Even if it is family.
He was lucky!

And he owes me, Caroline! I'm gonna make sure he buys me a bottle of Rum for carrying his blasted books around that wretched fjord!

But that woman…
Miss Eileena put that young thing right to sleep with a song of sorts. No idea what that was. But it overexerted her.
She looked so worn out i just had to step up and hold her steady. Poor thing.

Makes me wonder what will happen if that little berzerk blonde wakes up.

My guess? Nothing good. Why else would she try to strike for a face she once knew?

I'm going to take a hot bath and lay down after, Caroline.
My muscles ache from so much running, and i still feel my skin itching from the confrontations in battle today. From the sight of bloated bodies bobbing in the waves at shore. On the bright side, i did not have to endure the stench. The memories that got stirred by these events will haunt me in my dreams tonight and in the foreseeable future.

At least you can rest for both of us.

These old bones will be so sore tomorrow…

In loving memory,

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#3 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:05 pm

This one will be short and sweet Caroline,

ever since i started to heed your call to try and make dreams happen, i decided to pick up making plushies again. Not that i really ever stopped doing so. I always made some sort of teddy bear or doll out of boredom during my stay in the infirmary….
The time you reprimanded me for using one of the nurses aprons as a canvas to make a doll from is still vividly etched in my memory.
I also remember that you kept the doll and gave it to a young child.

Funny that.

Right now i’m not much different than you were back then.

There has been this lovely old lady that gave me the pattern for an Elekk plushie to make.
Let’s see how that one turns out.
Maybe the Matron will like it and give it to one of the anklebiters there.
It’s always nice to see those kiddos run around, call me Gramps and beg me for more toys.
At least the last two bears were a hit.

Update: sitting at the harbor-wall making plushies, made me meet a fairly interesting little fellow. He’s a tailor too, and even came up with an idea for a new plush.
Promised to meet me again with a new pattern in tow. Let’s see how that one ends.

In loving memory,

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#4 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:05 pm

Sweet Caroline,

Somehow that tailor seems to run into me over and over again. We met for three evenings straight. Pondering over designs, exchanging ideas, bouncing suggestions back and forth. Within’ those three evenings, i gained enough patterns to make a whole assortment of plushies for the Stormwind orphans.

I think i finally found my true calling?
Been a while since i met someone that shares the same amount of passion towards a subject as i do. Refreshing really. Makes me want to learn more.
The topic of course.
Not the man…

Gosh i can see your judgemental glare even now…

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#5 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:05 pm

Dear Carol,

you remember that young tailor i spoke of to you the other day?
Todd and him decided to take me to Dalaran.
I have not been there in years, so i figured… why not?
Turns out that it was a great idea. So many memories were re-lived. Many of which had me smile fondly.
Up until Ellbry decided to get himself in trouble. Namely: Get his fingers caught in finger tubes at the toyshop… we had a true little laugh on that. What a clumsy little git…

PS: i found out that portals still make my skin crawl. And my fur. I hate magic...

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#6 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:06 pm

I swear i do not intend to make more fuzzy friends, but this Pandaren… This walking ray of sunshine…
Jingtei turns out to be a wonderful little addition to our ‘bitch and stitch’ circle!
Working together with Ellbry and her at the docks turns out to be such a fantastic little past time!
Guess birds of a feather do flock together.

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#7 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:06 pm

It is hallows eve, Caroline.

And i remember you telling me how much you despised that holiday.
Well… guess where i am going tonight.

Stoen (the Gnome i mentioned in my first letter? The one i told you i did not wish to tumble over? Yes. That one) told us that there was a little festivity going on in Boralus. No fucking clue where Boralus is, but Ellbry seemed overly excited to get me there.
Yes, yes… language i know…
Especially in a letter.

I asked the kids at the orphanage what i should go as for the costume contest that they were going to hold in Boralus. Kids all told me i should go as the big bad Grandma wolf from the red riding hood story. You know the one…

It was easy enough to get the costume sorted, surprisingly… facing the fact that i had to squeeze my broad shoulders into a dress that was clearly not intended to be so stretched out around the shoulders but… it was fun? I guess?
Ellbry got all excited once i told him about it. And instantly asked me if it would be allright if he chose a matching costume to go along with mine?
Who am i to say no to that? Can’t say no to that face. He knows how to pull a proper puppy-pout….

An’ he ain’t even a worgen.

Turns out that eve we won a prize for ‘honorable mentions’.
Was a blast! Jingtei won one out of three main prizes for her Sha-costume. I was so darn proud of her!
We even met a few friends. Miss Fio looked downright gorgeous in her azure tight number that made her look like a dragoness.
And of course… the fluffy bride….

Oh did i mention the pumpkin pie eating contest!?
I lost…. choked on a piece of pie and could not continue. But it was delicious!
Even bought Ellbry some fancy glasses to make up for him paying my drinks the other day at the Tavern.


Someone called me and Ellbry lovebirds.
As silly as that sounds, it’s still something that i can’t shake.
Am i truly that fond of the young tailor that it bothers me to be called just that?!

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#8 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:07 pm

My dearest Caroline.

It feels alien to me to leave you alone again after having spent many an hour by your side once more.
Granted, it is not something i am not used to. But over the years my visits have become less frequent. The times we speak, rare.
It is good to have talked to you finally about my thoughts, my wishes and my worries. Those conversations have granted me some peace of mind, and maybe even cleared up a few things that i could not unravel on my own.

At least i know you can no longer be harmed as it is.
But i still can. And i fear that it might happen again as i notice my mind occupied and distracted from the tasks at hand.

Having visited my old home Gilneas was more painful than i expected.
So many years of joy and good memories laid open before me when i helped Preston on a mission.
It was good to dwell in the past, but much has changed. And not for the better i’m afraid.
At least not there.

Preston hired me to investigate suspicious activities that happened recently in Gilneas. Or rather… i keep his back safe and he pays me for it while looking around for clues.
Did work out rather well.
Up until it didn’t.
It happened in a split-second decision, when a hostile individual approached Preston.
Without my scope, and just my rifle, i tried to shoot the enemy. But instead i hit the man square in the arm.

Needless to say it was a mess, Caroline. And i’m truly sorry! I promise i apologized immediately!
Not that i wanted him hurt!
But we both know that certain things just… happen. Fate has funny ways in having us act out in different ways.

The second bullet hit the intended target. Threat eradicated.

But let’s forget about the dangers of the place. If only for a minute.
My heart bled each time we passed a house with a rose-bush planter within the city streets, Caroline.
Those once so magnificent bushes… filled with dead flowers, withered, dried out. Some un pruned and too wild to be called enjoyable.
It’s sad to see what became of this once beautiful place. I wish Ellbry would’ve seen it in its glory days. He would have liked it.

Until next time,

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#9 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:07 pm

Been a while Caroline.
Granted, just a couple of days. But it feels like eternity now with so many things happening all at once.

When i returned from Northrend, Ellbry all but ran into my arms and gave me a tight hug.
Now… when i returned from Gilneas the very same thing happened.
Not that i mind hugs. You know i give mean hugs if i want to do so.
But this… feels different?

Anyways… i got commissioned for a plushie, Caroline.
Well… not quite me. Ellbry actually. But he needed my help, so we kind of split work on that one.
A gorgeous nine foot devilsaur plush. With moveable jaw, felt teeth and a tongue.
Precious thing. It will be fairly heavy once i get to work on it proper.

P. R.

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Re: What i can never tell you:

#10 Post by Philias » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:07 pm

It's the fifth of November, Carol.

Ellbry’s birthday. I promised to take him out later tonight for a meal.
And i will do good on that promise. Even baked a cake together. He did not tell me why he had no cake since he’s been five, but i made it my quest to remedy that.
Peach and Orange cake it was. Gorgeous as it turned out.

Spend nearly an hour making his hair today. Those long blonde locks sure give a lot to work with. Its great that i am used to braiding and making hairstyles with the little kiddos at the orphanage. Put those skills to use while doing Ellbry’s hair.
He looked so incredibly pretty by the end of it, too.
And that robe he wore?

I was stunned. Quite literally…

The meal itself was fantastic. Conversation flew freely and did not stop once.
I even made him a gift. Granted… just a small little trinket. A small rose necklace.
But he told me he loved it. And has not taken it off ever since i put it in place.

The evening for him did not turn out too nice at first. People were giving him shit and he was upset.
But we talked over tea at our place. (oh yes… i forgot to mention that apparently i moved in?)
The talk turned more intimate than i intended it to.
But i suppose everything kind of… lead from one thing to another?
By the end of it we kissed.
And i would not want to have it any other way.

P. R.

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