Light and darkness

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Re: Light and darkness

#31 Post by Eileena » Sat Aug 31, 2019 7:48 pm

Then there is mention of bringing dinners over here. It really is time to stop letting people convenience this self imposed prison!
I will ask if we can meet somewhere else.
And I will open that door.
Step outside.
Touch the world.

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Re: Light and darkness

#32 Post by Eileena » Wed Sep 04, 2019 10:01 am

While the distance has unexpectedly closed between us, we seem to be further apart than ever. We both realize the necessity for time and space. There are many urgent matters plaguing the man. He has to take a stand where others dare not. He makes the choices to take the burden of others. He will take the insults and perhaps even distrust so the officers will not.

I do wish we could have time to talk, even if I do not know what to talk about right now, even if I do agree with the pace we have set.
I wish for time alone with him as well as time with him and others.
To hear where they stand.
To feel Starlight.
To know them again.

Slowly but surely I am getting to know the disembodied voices. I have not yet dared touch their face, although I long to.
I will ask this soon.

Also, once again need turns to a powerful motivator. Had I already convinced Anomen to walk me out of the house in case I would not dare to - again, it was Fioliea's cry for support which lowered the threshold sufficiently.
Focus overrules fear.
Need overcomes habit.

She was heading straight for the biggest trap of any healer: the one where the need of the many outweigh the need of their own.
Healer, heal thyself. You cannot support others when you outrun yourself.
A familiar song, is it not?
I know it well.
Her Song was one so sweet, so caring. So full of the need to support others where she could not help her family. I may have inadvertently touched upon this messy business with her badly mended leg. I hope it will grant her a little support, though. A little less pain. She deserves the peace of mind.

The one called Tódd walked me to the lady healer. Fur over her arms indicate something else than human. The worgen are amongst us, I have come to understand. There will be questions later. I was too focused on not getting lost to ask anything along the way. I do think I have remembered correctly, though. By following the lines of the road I came to the same set of stairs as the day before.
This time on my own.
I may have upset some by coming too close. There used to be a sense of who would be standing where. This sense...I need to hone again. Yesterday was mostly for finding my physical way. Maybe when I can walk without feeling the weight of the skies will I be able to turn inwards.

There is another who feels the need to help where in the past he may have been an involuntary risk to others. This urge should never take over one's own necessities, or he will still become the shadow he so fears.
I have not yet touched upon his Song. There has been need nor query. It interests me, though. His reaching out to others is quite different from that of a healer's point of view. There is also a piercing clarity to his spotting omissions in conversations. If he takes the time to get to know himself, he will be a very strong addition to Starlight. I wonder if I can guess who his mysterious partner is. In my time there were not many that went around making friends by kicking them. In fact, there was only one. Would it be her?
I did not ask.
It did not seem right.

So much to do.
But at least it fills the days.

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Re: Light and darkness

#33 Post by Eileena » Tue Sep 10, 2019 5:26 pm

I am walking familiar paths now that the fear is no longer paralyzing me. These paths turn in unexpected ways. Nomine was right: much has changed, not all for the better. The moonwell is gone. I cannot even begin to imagine how it must be for all those who lost Darnassus if I can feel my stomach knot up at the loss of one well.
Stormwind has opened its gates for refugees and rightly so. Following the lines of the streets I find myself back at a section of the park where many gather. How are they ever to feel at home anywhere after such a tragedy?
How will they ever feel safe again?

I can feel the weight of the skies. This freedom of movement is a bubble of make belief.
There is much to do, much to learn when there are some who would believe I have the use of my eyes. Some would tell me I am spying.
Much to learn.

Nomine has come to the house. He introduced me to the one called Morrigan. I have heard her voice on the stone. She believes Nomine to be too weak to lead the guild.
I beg to differ.
I believe he is far stronger than anyone can possibly imagine, especially after what I learned from Chit.
This is not necessarily a good thing, mind you, for he might be as blind to his own needs as I am when I am without my staff.

Morrigan will stay in the same house. She needs a place and there is plenty of space. It will be good to hear someone moving around. It seems Nomine was working his way towards this decision. I wonder if he realized there would be no objection to begin with.
She is here, yet she is not. When she reaches out, her aura tries to disbelief the very fabric of the world. Strangely enough she seems to excel at filling in words or beliefs for another.
How contrary.
Or maybe one follows from the other. People often talk to fill the silence.

And how unexpected that she would allow me to Sing for her.
Especially after she was intent on some kind of reaction when revealing which experiences we may have shared.

I do believe she may be harsher on herself than on the people around her.
Maybe now that her melody sounded, it will show her not all that grows will sprout thorns.
It will take time.
As most things do.

I forgot to tell Chit I venture outside these days. She has been so kind, so present.
I do enjoy her company. She invites honesty.
Yet this may not be an excuse to stay inside.
I will invite her in return.
Elsewhere, perhaps.
To speak of the people we love.
And the world that surrounds us.

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Re: Light and darkness

#34 Post by Eileena » Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:01 pm

It is strange how people are lining up for a close encounter with my mind.
Truly, there is nothing remarkable about living through the meeting with mister Fennelwald. He had no wish to end my life once he knew of my connection to Starlight, therefor I am alive.
That is all.

I do understand the need to know if I am unreliable because of this.
I understand the need to see if there is anything connecting me to mister Fennelwald in order to find him.
I understand the danger posed by this unresolved situation, especially to Tikal.

The options as described by one lady Czele leave me with very little choice. However ready she seems to be to accept scorn and distrust for her way of life, she seems quite content making good use of her possibilities. I wonder if her readiness to listen to the world ad-libbing her choices has not more to do with curiosity rather than being troubled by it. Surely she strikes me as an observer, rather than a player.

In any case, one of her options is to send out her demons to capture one of mister Fennelwald's. This is where she will need protection, provided by Starlight. I feel we can safely skip this option without anyone objecting.
Another option is to lift the magical signature from my mind.
Now this can be done in two ways, apparently, but in one way there might be significant danger to another of the people who would be needed to support the ritual to lift this memory. I know the spirit of Starlight. Even if they would agree to let me go if the ritual were too much, they would change their mind and try to turn it around.
That risk is unacceptable.
I have been the foolish one. It is not for one of them to pay for it.

This leaves the one option I have been dreading.
I must allow someone in.
It will answer two questions in one. It might shape my future or lack thereof.
The lady Czele quite rightly reminds me that there is a difference between forced entry and one where the door is open.

Question is: can I hold the door open?
I do not wish to hurt anyone.
I know what the light can do, even if I prefer the melodies.

Allow a virtual stranger in with the risk to them and that I be left troubled more than before?
Or allow a trusted one, risking their sanity or even their life?

Gods, I cannot guarantee I can control myself.
And yet a choice must be made.
Mister Fennelwald must be persuaded to leave Starlight alone.

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Re: Light and darkness

#35 Post by Eileena » Sun Sep 15, 2019 8:27 pm

Then, all of a sudden, there are other options.
The sense of urgency grows, both with the amount of time passing since Fennelwald's threats and a definite sense of edginess from Liathéne. The tension is tangible as information is shared around.
Suddenly the world explodes in plans, counterplans, objections, fears.

Voices attack from all sides, each subject one that needs to be addressed. Anadelonbrin might be in danger. Liathéne as well. Anomen seems on the brink of a depression together with the Song not having done what I would have expected. Fioliea has severe troubles in her legs, also after singing to her last night.
I am worried.
Is my melody unraveling?
My nerves most definitely are.

Come now, pull together.
There is work to be done.
These people are in danger because of my Song.
The least I can do
Is listen.

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Re: Light and darkness

#36 Post by Eileena » Mon Sep 16, 2019 6:26 am

Last night's meet was a barrage on the senses.
The night a welcome blanket.

It is surprising how many people think I would be unable to regale that night's unfortunate events. Perhaps it speaks of a distant mind to them. Perhaps of one not coming to terms with occurred. Perhaps they are not wrong.
Yet in the greater scheme of things it does not matter much.
Does it?

What matters now, is securing a measure of safety. I am not sure how they are going to go about this. The lady Reyahd speaks of tracking through other means. Liathéne has also secured a different focus. By the time I could understand what they were saying, the plan had been formed and they seemed reluctant to speak of it in front of Nomine.
Nomine in turn spoke of needing vials of my blood. I suppose this too has to do with focus. I did not ask just yet. It was a thunderous moment in my mind, every voice a deafening shriek.
I took my distance.
It helped.

Although I may have started this, I am nowhere near involved. This is strange. Or perhaps it is for the best, in case I myself am a walking focus for the man. Will it not be ironic if all work around me as if I would break or explode only to find out there is in fact nothing that ties me to him?
I would welcome that irony
If that means I would be free.

A man named Hayhurst has joined with Starlight. He very purposefully walked up to the people once they had returned from their mission. He seems terribly lonely in the middle of a city like Stormwind, betrayed by the world and by his very body. Yet he remains upright, wishing to rebuild, daring to take that chance even if everything has crumbled around him.
I wonder if he knows how strong he is or if he fears his pain.
Or maybe he finds strength in being there for others.
I know this well.

He has vowed protection against Fennelwald.
He is a kind man. I believe he will do well in Starlight.

Yes, maybe I should stay away from the planning, just in case one might be listening through other means. I still believe Fennelwald has no interest in me whatsoever. He searched for something I could not give him. He does not strike me as the kind that likes to waste time. His choice of words, payment, repaying, all speak of a balance needing to be found. He seeks Tikal through me. Other than that, I do no longer exist.

And yet
Nomine speaking of lost and found
Standing next to me just when I realized how different this was from any other event before.
It felt like a statement, even without words.
May we then still have a chance?
Or was it to show the outside world?
For that too I must know of any influence which remains.
I shall contact Anomen and the lady Fioliea.
For I too have a plan.

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Re: Light and darkness

#37 Post by Eileena » Wed Sep 18, 2019 11:52 am

It seems people are in agreement. This is good. There has been much quarreling. I do believe the tension is overshadowing people's strengths.

There will be two groups, one of which will consist of at least Nomine, Liathéne, Tikal and Chit. There will be some others joining in order to minimize risk. Nomine suggests Morrigan, which would be a very good plan. They will be at the ready to strike once mister Fennelwald has been located.
Yet timing will be crucial.
Another group will take up the plan formed by Reyahd to distract the warlock. This is going to be tricky, for it depends on many uncertainties. This is why the strike group will be so important. They must continue, with or without distraction, for we will not get another chance like this.

I have taken the liberty of adding a name to the list: sir Hayhurst. He wields the Light, which none of the others really do. Someone will have to keep an eye out while we are linked. He will know what to do if fel seems to win. He has permission to break the link, using any means necessary. I do hope I did not offend him by asking for his assistance with the stationary group. While pondering the proceedings last night I suddenly realized he might have thought we were trying to take his injury into account, possibly against his wishes.

How silly not to think of that.
I should have checked.
Yet he will know it is not about that soon enough, for Nomine raised an important point: what if the link will spark a portal for a different kind of attack? What if the danger is not through fel, but through physical means?

In a way I feel I may have tricked him. Did he not vow to protect Fennelwald just days before? And here I am, asking him to put his life on the line, to make decisions that might change life for some or all of us. It is hardly fair. Would he have been able to decline?

Yet, I do think it was a wise decision to ask the man. His combined talents make him the perfect match to this strange group. He will not hesitate. This will increase our chances.
And with that, I will have my freedom, in life or in death.

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Re: Light and darkness

#38 Post by Eileena » Wed Sep 18, 2019 1:03 pm

I am afraid.

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Re: Light and darkness

#39 Post by Eileena » Wed Sep 18, 2019 5:26 pm

I will need time with Anomen and Reyahd together. A trial run, if you would.
Anomen walked off in a less than happy state after preliminary talks.
I cannot blame him.
There is danger.

I do not know how Nomine manages this, knowing he might loose good people. I feel my throat constricting, realizing I might be leading these people towards disaster. All I can do right now, is speak to them of what we need to think of, what we need to prepare for. It feels surreal to hear them exchange niceties.
My heart beats in my throat.
Will we get through this?

Jingtei has done me an enormous favour. The dresses she has designed are a near perfect fit. Their description fits me beyond anything I have worn for years. It reminds me of better times when the winds were warm and smelled of fresh grass.

Suddenly it strikes me.
Will I be able to wear them after next week.

The world is constricting around me. I am filling heads with talk of eventualities and darkness.
Anything I try to talk about over the stone, turns. People are annoyed, and rightly so.
I cannot find the right words.
Those I need to talk to, are busy with their own preparations.
The fact that I ask them anything at all over the stone feels wrong, inadequate. They are acting on the plans. I sit, paralyzed. My mind is unfocused.
I owe them more than that.
But words sound hollow.
It would seem that in my attempts, I have alienated them.

Yes, I realize Starlight takes care of their own.
That does not mean I have to like what it does to them.
Gods up above and beyond, help me. I do not know where to turn.

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Re: Light and darkness

#40 Post by Eileena » Thu Sep 19, 2019 3:34 pm

A new day, a new chance.
Of course people would get tense with everything that is going on.
That tension simply got to me yesterday as well.

The risk is real.
Yet the chances of success are too.

Let us hold on to that.

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