Light and darkness

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Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Light and darkness

#1 Post by Eileena » Sat Nov 10, 2018 9:08 pm

I have never been in darkness before.
My staff has been taken. I am not allowed to touch their faces.
They cannot stop the world from singing to me, yet it is strange not to see one's surroundings or the people in it.
I remember the lighter days.
There would always be that one moment where people would tell me I did not know what I was missing.
True.
I did not know.
And thus I did not miss it.

Now I miss that light.
I miss the familiar songs and the caress of the stars.
I miss my heart's song.
It is locked firmly inside, but to hear it again would be joyous, overwhelming.

We are far away, over boundaries unexplored.
There is but little chance of being found.
Yet
Strength in exploration
Strength in unity
Strength in Starlight.

I have never been in darkness before.
I never will be.
Not completely

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#2 Post by Eileena » Sun Dec 02, 2018 10:18 am

Something is not right about their schedule.
I suspect it is to try and convince me time runs differently.
But it doesn't.
I can feel the rhythm of the earth.
But food is food and I will eat when it is presented.
There is no knowing when they will try to withhold it after all.

The intention is clear.
There is a need for healing.
They could have simply asked.
I would not refuse a need.
Their thinking is that of people used to force.
Their song speaks of conquering or being oppressed.
Not really a fair choice.
And one that reflects on their every move.

A shame.
I would have helped.
They did not have to take my world.

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#3 Post by Eileena » Tue Dec 25, 2018 7:31 pm

Unending.
So many people in need
Why do they persist in this fight?
Because there are people like me to heal them back?
I do not know what they are fighting.
There is no talk.

My energy is not unending.
If only I could walk outside! To feel the sun, the wind against my skin.

How many more like me are there here?
Good gods, the amount of people they are able to send out if they have more healers locked up!
So many people
Yet I am alone.

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#4 Post by Eileena » Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:22 pm

The winds are changing.
Not only the fighting ones find their way to my room.
Now there are those with soft hands and scented clothes.
I suspect money is involved.

It does present an opportunity. Surely one of these people will understand my language? What if I can add to their song? What if they understand I am not here out of my own free will?

Good gods, I wish to walk outside.
It is almost as if the walls keep the songs from reaching their potential.
I cannot explain.
They will not listen.
They will not speak.
Nor am I allowed.
But I listen.
Oh yes, I listen
And hear beyond
If there is a melody to touch that which they do not speak about, maybe it could plant a seed.
Maybe they would start seeing me as a person.

In between the visits there is enough time to think.
So many plans.
Which one would best go unnoticed?
The humming of a catchy tune,
A string of words in rhythm or rhyme.

Yes, I will sing.
Sing beyond healing.
And hope the words will aid my cause.

But what if my captors catch wind of this?

I have to try.
To lay down my head is to die.
I will not.

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#5 Post by Eileena » Tue Jan 29, 2019 9:09 pm

Sweet girl
Precious child
Maybe you were out there, playing by the sea
Maybe it was a game between peers
Going under just to see
How long one could hold their breath

Maybe you were out there taking a walk over cliffs
Maybe you saw the gulls glide
And you found out too late
The wind would not support you

Maybe you were on a boat
Your dress the softest of them all
The party awaiting you
But the boat never arrived

Sweet girl
I hear you
You wish your mother's sobs would cease
You wish your father would say something
You already know
This body can no longer hold you
The beat has gone to a flutter
Breath no more than by accident
It was an accident, wasn't it?
Your brother so enthusiastic
You followed
And fell

Precious child
I hear your lullabye
I know you are tired
Let me sing you to sleep
Just follow the song
To the other side
Trust the world to care for your mother
To shelter your father
To love your brother
To honor your memory
For in this song
You never die
You are merely
Away

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#6 Post by Eileena » Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:14 pm

She was so soft.
I didn't know death could be so soft.
Fine garments, the embroidery speaking of much love.
Her long fingers with trimmed nails.
Soft palms, longing to stroke something dear.
Long, salty hair.
I could smell the soap with which they tried to rinse the sea.
Refrained from untying it at the back. That's a parents' privilege.
I could hear the crying behind the door.
We both knew this little one was not going to sing again.
Felt wrong to have the most important people in her life so far away.
I asked if they could be present.
Gestures and words.
Not sure which made them understand.

I didn't know.
I didn't know I was the last straw.
I didn't know the stories that are spreading about that one room where people might heal.
Might.
I couldn't.
It would have been wrong to try.
It would have hurt and she would have left eventually.
Better to soothe
To calm
To guide her on her way.

They let the parents in.
Her mother understood my song.
Cries turned to wailing.
I think she tried to stop me.
But was stopped instead by her husband.
He understood it even better.

When they took the girl with them, they too found rest, it seems.
An end to torturous insecurity.

The beginning of mine.
I should not dwell on it.
Yet I must remember.
Remember what the triggers are despite our differences in language.
This is the first one not to walk out of this room and it seems that hit a nerve with more than just me or the parents.
I believe they wish for this to not happen again.
I am starting to recognize words.
And actions.
When I try to explain the girl would have been a shadow for a while before dying anyway, there is much anger.
As if I should have done that anyway.
Something about honor.
Whose?
Certainly not mine.

I refrain from using their words
Pretending I cannot learn them.
It might serve.
While in reality the learning distracts
From pain.
And thus becomes a necessity.

Will they allow me to help others again
Or has my use become limited
Have I become expendable.
I am still alive.
Nothing irrepairable.

Strange how I cannot sing to myself.
A shame.
It would help.

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#7 Post by Eileena » Tue Feb 12, 2019 4:26 pm

A change in the air.
Work is much preferred.
Please, just let me work.
It will silence the voice.

Could I have helped her?
Gods up above and beyond, I would have!
I would!

Second guessing or a second voice?
Who cares?
At least there is something beyond the silence.

Please, just let me do my work!

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#8 Post by Eileena » Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:41 pm

Sea side
Close
Closed doors

Sea waves
Walls
Walled up

Sea salt
Precious
Guarded

Sea air
Breath
Can't breathe

Sea
Side with me

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#9 Post by Eileena » Sat Feb 16, 2019 3:25 pm

Remember me
I am here!
Hear me
I am alive!

They took my ring, my rose.
Too many hands to resist.
Talk to me
A word
Let me explain there is no need for this.
Listen to me
We are not the enemy!

Yes, we come from afar, but not to take your riches.
Not to meddle in your affairs.

But oh,
I hit a snare.
An angry snarl.
I am not fast enough to evade.

The sounds are coming together in words.
There ís meddling.
And some áre losing their wealth.
More fights, talk of war, of councils changing

Words roll like waves, too fast to be understood.
They think I am with their enemy?
That keeping me will somehow give them an advantage?

The ace up the sleeve, as my love would say.
I am an ace?
Ridiculous.
They will not even let me help right now.

Yet
If I am an ace
I would hold no worth unless others know.
Might not Starlight be amongst them?
Strength in exploration.

Gods, I feel hope again.

As the waterfall of anger is silenced and swiftly taken out of the room, silence returns.
I am hungry.
I will take their bread this time, even if the flavour is off.
There is only so much to resist.
Let me see what the effect is, then, in small quantities.
Maybe
Maybe I can work with it.
Maybe they will let me back to work.

Eileena
Posts: 61
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Light and darkness

#10 Post by Eileena » Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:40 pm

How wrong I was.
They will not let anyone know.
The advantage lies not in person
But in use.

Dear gods, they will never know.

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