The new book

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Philias
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Re: The new book

#21 Post by Philias » Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:32 pm

Two months... i managed two fuckin' months o' sobriety...

An' all wen' t' shit.

I'm such a fuckin' idiot...

Comin' home t' Gus an' th' dogs only... 's painful.

He took Elodie...
Left a note.

Fuck.

Wish i had another drink righ' abou' now. Those lies... they.... they just make my head spin...
Or is it the booze?
Fuck do i know at this point....
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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Philias
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Re: The new book

#22 Post by Philias » Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:41 pm

Papers...
He was gone for a day and a half to get papers sorted... no idea where he got those from. Put them away for him, though. They're safe now. Always will be. Records. It's all about the records.

But as soon as he came home, he went to bed.
Barely talked...
Barely interacted at all. Got a hug though... hugs are good, right? I believe hugs are good.

I want to believe that all is well between us... Just the thought that there's a rift forming has me hankering for a stiff drink to smother my worries.
Gus is right.

Crawling the taverns won't help... it's making matters worse. But damn...
A bottle of whiskey now would be hitting the sweet spot. Truly.
Still went out. Sat below the stars and looked over the harbor for hours in our spot.
Reminded myself that all will turn out well.

I remember what i went through in January when i stopped drinking the last time...
Not looking forward to do so again... i felt like shit for over a week...
Let's hope this time will be easier...

For my sanity's sake.

Should never have slipped in the first place.
Fuck.
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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Philias
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Re: The new book

#23 Post by Philias » Sat Mar 28, 2020 8:20 am

I read him a book today...
Just to spend some time together.
Both on the couch....
Reminded.me of that one time with Eileena, heh...

As soon as i started to pet through his hair, he fell asleep.
Can't complain... So did i. Lulled in by the warmth and the weight of him.

Angel is like a hot weighted blanket.
He's perfect. Regardless of our issues.

When he woke up, he fell from the couch... Wasn't quite the best way to wake up, but hey.
At least we shared more closeness.
He's not... Shutting off. We try. We really do.

Made the sketches for Claudia and. Earla.
That's when. I noticed the shakes...
Damned hands are. Jittery all over again. And i fucking hate it.
Requested Augustus to go running with me again. Elwynn... Westfall... Maybe through Duskwood. Or Redridge. I don't care... As long as i get to run. Sleep from exhaustion and stay away from booze... It's hard. But i manage. So far.

I just gotta believe it's worth it.
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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Re: The new book

#24 Post by Philias » Wed Apr 01, 2020 12:27 am

Sometimes you tumble.
Maybe you will fall.
But you will get up.

every single time.

It's hard. So hard to be starting at ground zero.

The situation does not help.
Figured it would've been a grand idea to join Starlight at trainingnight. To distract myself.
Get out of the house.

In the end... I should've stayed at home.

Tahrina...
I have never in my life been so livid about a woman. Her words enraged me so much that i was a mere breath of an inch away of attacking her. Openly. Infront of Starlight.

I don't know what stopped me.
Or how i managed to hold myself back.
Just so.
But in the end, we parted ways.
I refused to talk to her. Have not talked to her since.

There's other things to tend to.

Like papers.
Those papers he brought home... Are solid.
Good papers. Well worth their coin no doubt.
But i have the feeling that he's falling apart.

Ever since he returned, he's not been himself.
Always hiding away, not caring about himself, least of all, himself.
But he's getting better. Bit by bit.
I can't wait for him to finally be willing to come out fully. Enjoy the sun, the daylight, springcolors and much more.

In time.
Babysteps.
For now he's eating again.

Gus... I know you won't ever read this, but... Thank you. Truly.

Gosh i can't wait for him to join me...

Just give me your hand... Let me lead you, trust me.
Felix i need you to listen and follow.
It will help.
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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Re: The new book

#25 Post by Philias » Fri Apr 03, 2020 7:07 am

It's near a week past slip up.
And i'm still kicking.
The bodily withdrawal was not as bad this timearound than before.
I meanofcourse... They were there. But not as strong.
The worst were the shakes. But that's alright. I can live with those.

On another note...

He finally talked to Syra...
Explained a bit to her about his situation.
And just as i thought. Starlight don't care about names, but about the man you are.
Good. At least he's gonna have a better piece of mind now.
Hopefully Felix is gonna turn back to his usual self.
I miss that bubbly attitude of his greatly.

Then there's Ducky...
Always Ducky. I love him. The son i never had, the man i wish my children to turn into.
Syra and himspoke openly about the wedding.
Ducky and Angel talked about the order.
I spoke to Syra about fishin'...

For whatever reason i can't shake the thought of Tahrina...
That unresolved tension there makes me want to seek her outand fight her in the spot...

But first...

First it's Angel, and me, and holidays.
We deserve holidays. He needs them.
Spa, hotsprings, facemasks and pampering...
Gosh i can't wait to turn boneless under skilled massaging hands.
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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Re: The new book

#26 Post by Philias » Sat Apr 04, 2020 10:31 am

Bags... Packed...
Angel? Wrapped up and ready to go.
The meat-decimating trio? Taken care by Augustus.
Pandaria, here we come!
"In a world full of fear and hurt, even the least fortunate child deserves a toy to remind it of better times. If only temporarily. And if it smiles? That's the best kind of payment in my eye." P. B. Redcliff

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