Chit's Lesons Fer Kids

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Chit
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Chit's Lesons Fer Kids

#1 Post by Chit » Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:27 pm

I came across this today. It was posted in the original SL forum that went down, but I kind of liked it. Written by the young Chit and full of dyslexic mispellings - for non-English speakers, if in doubt on a word, say it aloud. Coral reef is Chit's misunderstanding of Corollary. Enjoy - there's some good advice there. Some of which comes from my own experience!

Chits Lesons For Kids

Leson 1 – Do Not Have A Pet Chicken

Lotsa chickens got fine fethers an it is Natrel to want to chase em an hold em an make em ya pet. This is not a good idea. One reson is because one end of a chicken is very sharp. The mane reson is because one day a grownup will ask ya “Chit which chicken do ya fancy?” an you will tell them “I like the one with the spotty fethers on its butt” at wich point the grownup will catch the chicken wring its neck an make it into a stew for ya as a speshul treet.

They will also take it badly if you sick up the chicken wen they force ya to eat it wich they will probly do.

Coral reef:
Wen out on a country walk do not point at the ENORMUS BUMBLE BEE with inartikulate delite as someone will Save You by stompin on it.

Inartikulate meens ‘without yappin on about it’. Learnin long words is good for ya it fools peple into thinkin you are smart.

Leson 2 - Your parents canot see inside ya hed

Your parents will try to make ya think they can see inside ya hed. They will do this by askin ya questions about wether ya ate the biscits and then wen you lie they tell ya they kno you are lying an wat reelly hapened was this an they are RIGHT. An they will try to make ya believe there is no point lyin to em cos they can SEE wat you are thinking wich is enuff to make a kid give up forever.

An then they punish ya real bad for the lyin so you Will Never Lie To Em Agen.

Wen reelly they are lyin to YOU pretendin they kno wen you are lyin wen what infact happened was:
1. They saw ya doin it but are pretendin they dint an they are reading ya mind
2. Someone else saw ya doin it an told on ya (mostly this is ya sister or brother but sometimes the nosey old lady next door who smells funny)
3. Ya left somethin belongin to ya at the seen of the crime this is just stupid an ya deserve evrythin ya get
4. You always stand on one leg wen ya lie. This is called a TELL. Evry one got diffrent tells an ya beter figger out wat is givin ya away or your life will be HELL.
5. They red it in ya diary.

Leson 3 – Do not kepe a diary

See leson 2. If it is not ya parents nosin about it will be that kid you thort was ya best frend.

Chits law: Peple always find ya diary an open it at the one page you reelly reelly don’t want em to see an use it cruelly in creative ways to make ya life a misery. There is a simple way to avoid this if you canot figger it out their is no hope for you.

If ya parents give you a present of a diary with a lock an key it is important to know that wen they bought it, it come with TWO keys. Guess whose got the other one. This kinda diary is infact very usefull if you are smart enuff to use it for MISDIRECTION. This long word meens makin em think you are doin something you aint. Like you can write all about how much you are enjoyin the fishin after skool wen reelly the reson you are late back home is cos you dint go to skool at all today an insted have spent the whole day divin in the canals in Stormwind tryin to find the GIANT CROC.

MISDIRECTION is a key skill to lern if ya ever wanna cheat ya brother outta his pocket mony along with TELLS.

Leson 4 – How To Get That Bully To Stop Takin Ya Lunch

Ya mum will tell ya that the best way to deal with a Bully is to ignore im an pretend not to be upset an he will lose interest an go away. This as eny kid will rapidly discover is Bullshit. Bullies is real good at reading ya mind an spottin wen you are scared. If ya ignore the Bully an pretend not to be upset he will seek evry chance to crush ya under his boot an break ya down to prove to everyone that they should be scared of im an do exactly wat he says.

Teechers will tell ya that if ya get bullied you gotta go tell a teecher an they will sort it out. This is Horse Manure. If ya go an tell a teecher they will pull you an the bully into a room an make ya say Sorry to each other, after wich you will spend 3 days shittin yaself waitin for the bully to shove ya hed down the toilet. If you are lucky he will onlie pull the chain.

This is an esy leson wich can be sed in two words.

GO BESERK

Wen a bully comes to take ya lunch get reelly reelly mad an go apeshit on im. Let us be clear. This is gonna Hurt. Yer aim is to think about one thing wich is how much ya can hurt the fucker before ya get dragged off of im. Lock ya teeth into some bit of flesh an try to tear it off im. Ears is good but anywere on his arm is also fine. Hook ya fingers in is eyes or if ya canot reach then pinch any part of im real tight an twist it. Right under his nose is good an do not forget to dig in ya fingernails real sharp. Scrape ya boots down his shins over an over or kick em hard shins hurt.

Keep ya focus wich means just think about how much ya hate im an how much ya want to hurt the bastard and keep tearin bits off of him. It don’t mater if he is hurtin ya as long as you are damagin the bastard.

Do not think ya will get off light cos you is in the Right. The teechers will go bonkers they will call ya mum an she will give ya a hiding and they will tell you you are Bad an make ya say you are sorry to the Bully. Wen ya do this be reel polite an say the words properly an at the same time give im the evil eye reel steady wile ya think about how his ear tasted an how ya will do it agen if he gives ya the chanse.

Bullies are good at reading minds. He will think about how it was wen this ball of fury come outta nowere an tore chunks outta im an he will become very intrested in bullyin someone else so he has no time for ya enymore.

Leson 5 - Do Not Open The Door

Wen ya hear strange noises coming from ya parents bedroom an the door is shut do not trip merrily over an open it to see wat is hapenin. Trust me ya do not want to kno wat is goin on in there, eny more than they want ya to see it.

That is why the door is shut, gettit?

Wen ya hear weird thumpin noises comin thru the walls the important thing to know is that ya mum an dad will not be out for at least 10 minutes an sometimes even an hour! Therefore the smart thing to do when ya hear groanin an screemin is enythin you do not want ya parents catchin ya at, like eatin the fresh jam tarts an makin it look like the dog got in the kitchen, or smugglin in yer girlfrend or figgerin out wat is in that bottle you are not allowed to touch. (Hiint – fill it up with water to the same level. Anuther hint – the first hint onlie works once or twice per bottle or they will figger out wat you are doin and will whack ya til ya can’t sit down. Get smart while ya parents is mostly dim, they aint THAT dim.)

Leson 6 – Wat To Do Wen You Got Dumb An Opened The Door

Do not dwell on it. The scars will heal.

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