A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

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Reike
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#201 Post by Reike » Tue Sep 12, 2017 6:11 am

The expectation and a slight fear is settled deeply in me. This time I don’t know what to expect. I’ve heard the rumors, I’ve seen what they can do at the Shore – but from there to the reality, that’s a long way. Several I’ve talked to, told me I was crazy, that they were sure that I had a death wish. Do I really care about those around me? All sorts of questions.

Of course I care, of course I don’t have a death wish, at least not that big – I’m sure that we all have it deep down our wish list.

From Stormwind I made agreements with the Chef Harold – he was to send some supplies over, the leatherworker that I’ve come to use has also agreed to send me the waxed threads for the leather along with the leather fat without the scent in it. All those small details there matters to me, but seems so insignificant to others.

Travelling to that orb in the sky took less than I expected. Surely I know that the engineers have been working hard and fast. Still, this was a surprise. That barefooted gnome with the poor excuse for losing his shoes even set up a portal back to Dalaran. “But it’s only for emergencies; have to keep the portal open for real emergencies. A lovers visit isn’t an emergency, neither is a field trip to study the local flora or the local wildlife.”
In my mind it is ridiculous that they have to say that to us. Everyone should know that this place isn’t for the faint hearted, it’s not for those whose taking their lover on a date to here. Those who do, pretty much ask for being killed themselves. I really do hope that no-one is that stupid – especially as I know a few of the people who is going to be on the rescue team.

First thing there hits me, is how gloomy and dark it is. I can’t tell the day apart from the night. I can’t tell if the stench is from the person next to me, or if it’s from my own feet. I know it’s not my feet, but in this environment I can’t tell the difference.

We’re all handed a map the day after we’ve gotten there and told to stay ready for the assignment. A few day passes, and I grow more and more restless. I can see all the fighting down at the ground, from the big panorama window in the vessel. I feel the tickling in the fingers to join them, but my disappointment is big when I finally get the assignment. “Hanistole, you are assigned to go to this and this place on the map, gather information of what kind of wildlife to expect, how heavy the demon population is and map out the portals they have put up.”
I was fuming; they could have done that from that big fat window, but then again, they can’t look around corners. And then, the punch to the face happened. “You’re meant to go there with one of the locals. We have information that you’ve known this person in the past.” Well if I’ve known the person in the past, which most likely means that there’s a reason as to why I do not know the person any longer. My surprise was big when I saw the big blue shade come through the teleportation pad.

That tail was Zarcon’s. Of all people, he is one of the very few I’d want to be stranded here with. I had gotten a few oddities to use when we were out there, a device which allowed us to see the spirits along with a few other important things.
We got the job done, though not without a few scratches. I am at least glad that I’m teamed up with someone who I’d trust my life with. I’m just sad that he ended up seeing what he did.
Now preparations has been made for the next trip, I can only hope that it won’t be as messy as the last team who got back at the vessel yesterday. One of them looked as if he was ready to flee, the other looked as if he had been in the claws of some unknown beast. I was later told that they had been sent into one of the portals, one can only try and comprehend what they’ve seen. We can only tell what happened if we go there ourselves.
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#202 Post by Reike » Sun Oct 15, 2017 7:27 am

I spotted him already before he jumped the waters and swam towards the meeting grunds. He stood there at the brink changing from his thuggish clothing to the shiny fancy ones. Of course I spotted him, that easily.
What was more interesting was that the guards had gotten down to the Pier just half an hour before, demanding an answer as to why I was standing there.

Told them the truth, was waiting for Starlight to finish their meeting. Then half an hour later he came - you know the sort, those looking like they're up to no good. Those who think they're all that. What he didn't know is that I saw his friend purchase the badge that he flashed at me, the night before. Five minutes after he dived in, all of Starlight came to the shore, breaking the lovely silence that John Smith and I had at the pier. When he came back, he was wet from head to toe, and he trudged off. He forgot his clothes, which turned out to become a nice campfire for the evening.

I caught up with him not far from there, I didn't get to talk to Nomine though. That's still on the todo list.
He continued to flash the badge, I told him that it didn't matter to me, I wanted to know who had hired him to check that spot out. Still no answer, but it came eventually.

Even the guards are in the pockets of the thugs. But we know that already, just didn't know that they were that deep. Beside, carrying explosives - as much as he claimed there'd be - over there took more than a rowboat. But carrying nothing more than just a few firecrackers - that only takes a sealed bag. They've become a little too trustworthy. Even in the simple thugs. I am fully aware that such a threat is to be taken serious, but still. Even called it out over the water, I guess they didn't hear it.

Written later.
I hunger for the power, the same way as one of the drugheads in Stormwind hungers for their next fix. I’ve seen it in my dreams, how it becons me to continue with the training. Stupidly enough I do, I envision myself side by side with others who’s better than me. Spurring me on to become even better, hunger for even more training.

Is it this that I was warned about? Is it this that Nomine, Tuskhira and everyone else told me that they’d more than happily stab my neck for doing? I don’t care anylonger, which is the dangerous part. I sit here in the darkest of the hours, hands shaking, mind telling me to start practice again, the better of me telling me to not do it. Just one more time.

I have to cut all ties, with Beid first of all, I don’t want to harm him. I don’t want him to get in the way. I don’t want him to be the one nagging at me for doing this. He’s seen what I can do, he’s felt it. Yet still he’s stuck around, I wonder what for. He’s challenged me, several times, made me better – at least when I’ve rushed off after thinking I’d show him. Maybe it’s time for me to vanish when I’ve hosted the training session for Starlight? Maybe that’s the best, just go and vanish, find a place where they can’t find me.

Then comes the harder part – well Beid is the hardest part, I care for him, just like I cared for West, Redmoore, even for Jay. Heck the care was there for Jas too.

My hands are still shaking, my mind still begging me to pick up the training, yelling at me. Almost howling my name with the breeze brushing through the tree tops – I can’t ignore it for much longer, I have to give in. I have to feel the rush, I’ve waited for this long. I have to give in. Gnawing at my bones, and I know the pain can only be sated one way.
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#203 Post by Reike » Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:23 pm

She turned rotten?
What happened? How did it happen? When did it happen? Why did it happen?

The why, might be the vial that she had had with her, "A good night out" or which ever it was called.
When, some time between when I hired her to when she handed over the note. Bloody balls, and this shit ends on my doorstep, not something that I have time to deal with now.. Or the urge to deal with. Why?

Quite disturbing, considering she was a normal hobo, so to speak. Cakes of mud on her, her hair was disgusting. Her stench, that was stomach churning, but from that to become rotten?

-
Training - went alright, those I hired did show up. It was good to see both Nouala and Dunnar there. Missed that dwarf's red beard. Got to find him with a keg of ale.
Though next time, I might as well give them instructions in what they need to take into mind. But then again, isn't that part of their training? Finding out which actions to take? Apparently they didn't even train the RIPA - are the new ones even aware of what the RIPA is? I know for a fact that Ata doesn't know what it is.
It was intersting to see what they were doing, how they approached the task at least. By the sound of Nomine, and his angered voice, some didn't really grasp what an attack is. Maybe that's some for future training?
One good thing is though, they know their weaknesses now, that's a strength on it's own. Now they just need to improve on it so it become their strength.

-
A week with someone who's my complete opposite, was quite interesting to say the least. Silent, and why didn't I ask the stupid question from the beginning? I've noticed it already when we talked when I was part of Starlight. WHY didn't I? Could've saved myself a lot of silent fustrations. I'm sure she could tell by the tone of my voice. At least, she told Nomine, it was the least she could do. No need to keep him in the dark with not knowing. It's important for him to know such thing if you ask me.

-
Beid fixed the door, and he did promise me a tigers fur, though without the beast in it. Reminded me of how much I miss Limpy. I'm positive that hes in Darnassus, I think I left him there with the Druids. If not, then hes lost with the invasion. I really do hope that's not the case, best get that chekked up on.
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#204 Post by Reike » Fri Nov 24, 2017 9:45 pm

It's complicated.

I’ve changed plenty of words with the young one infront of me through the past few years. His eyes gives you the feeling of him being older than he looks. He’s told me that he’s only 18, but the way he talks – it sets off the alarm inside that he’s trying to spin me a story. For now I let him talk, that kind of men always loves to talk. Fancy clothes, always a story of how he came to fame – yet another lie. How can he be only 18 and still have done what he claims?
The bottle in my hands, it’s been a while since I have had it’s familiar cold glass roll underneath my fingers. My thoughts goes back to the howl, somewhere along the way, Ove poked his ugly mug out from one of the bushes to flash me a grin. I had been keeping an eye with that bush for a while, I had heard the footsteps, I’ve seen the shadows at the corner of my eyes. Shadows is usually there, at the corner of my eyes, I always notice the new ones. New sounds, new silence. The one next to me even notice the silence.

“Reike, why are you so quiet? It’s unlike you.” Is it really? Lately I’ve become more and more silent, even Beid think that I should speak more. And when I finally do, he tells me it’s the wrong time. Just like a few hours ago, that bloody letter. He’s making complaints about me darting off to the frontlines each time they call for me. That I shouldn’t go head first into a suicidal mission where I could lose my life – I can’t help but to question him, if he doesn’t have the same faith in my abilities, that I do? Finally that wound sprung fully open, my head was too overloaded with shit I wanted to tell him. He didn’t want me to leave without a notice, I’ve never done that. Always left behind a note for him to find, not my bloody fault he can’t read. I even offered to teach him. Maybe he can, he’s just too stubborn. I wasn’t complaining when he and the crew went out on a half a year trip. I wasn’t the one complaining. I was the one standing at the dock when he got home. He didn’t hear me complain.

Why has it all suddenly turned to damn complicated?

The one next to me, seeking to make it even more complicated, making offers, suggestions. But then again, I’m not one to mix races, let alone to cheat on someone I have started to care for. It’s been a while since this has happened – there’s no real reason to make it even more complicated. Fucking idiot, we had just reached the Bay, and he scoots off with the first mage he could trade some coins with. Leaving me to deal with the damn shitty-kittens in the crate, the ugly dwarf’s dress along with other belongings – top that up with a new discovery I made today. Three kittens, shit and spew up their stomach, way more than their own size, I still wonder where they keep it. The dwarf had asked us to take the crates to Dun Morogh, to the inn up there. She was stuck in the Bay with the Explores League. I have always had a deep respect for dwarfs, sturdy in a war. Even more sturdy in a dink-off. The skinny arsed blue-eyed elf next to me, he tries to explain how much he can hold against. I just shake my head, grunt a few sounds, and then return my attention to the distance. Letting him boast all he want.

My head already planning the trip to Dun Morogh, it’s a long way, and my ass is already full of splinters. The fabric down here costs a fortune, the leathers even more so. I still don’t understand how the leather is so expensive down here, considering they have a lot of it in the jungle. The greedy goblins think they can cheat me like that, but, I’ll just cheat them by nicking one of their pillows, and look extra bloated when I leave tomorrow.
The one next to me leans in trying to nuzzle himself against my ear, I answer back with a firm knock in the middle of his face, and that odd satisfaction when I hear his nose broke. “Hands and snotter off!” – the stern sound to my voice is filled with disgust. How could he think that it was allowed to do that, I don’t even know where that came from, had I grunted at the wrong time? Already with the free hand I had reached for the dagger, placing it up against what little prick he was hiding between his legs, letting him know that if he does that again, he’ll never be able to father a family, I guess he got the idea as he buggered off. And moments later I hear his girlfriend call out for him, with a tired voice. I was close to call him out on what he had done, but then again, she’ll eventually learn, right?

I head further down the boardwalk, just letting things happen around me while I try and make sense of why Beid was heading to help them out when he had clearly stated that it was over for now. That he had taken some time for himself, that he wasn’t going with them. He offered for me to go with them, but the greeting they gave me aboard their ship the last time, I wasn’t even going to make the effort. I hate wasting time, I have always been taught never to go to war with your partner at your side. You lose your focus if you do, your focus will be on the loved one, instead of the battle. And you become a liability when they are injured. I’ve seen it back in the Batallion, I’ve seen it when I’ve been to the frontlines with those Nobleshitters – the males suddenly having a need to prove themselves, just to get praised at the campfire at night from their loved one. I don’t trust myself if Beid and I was to fight side by side.
I’ve often been called a cold bitch, because of my views. I just want people focused, prepared and trustworthy. So, I’d rather skip out on “Love at the battlefield.” At least that kind of love.

I end up picking up a few who’s heading north, at least, the company is there. We’re not too many to pose a threat, and not too few not to be able to fend off some of the wildlife. Took me a while to make the trip, but at least, a mug of warm coffee and a fireplace with a warm bear skin was waiting for me when I finally reached the inn. The kittens who once looked white, were all green and brown, reeked of shite and bile. I guess they weren’t meant to be fed with cows milk?
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#205 Post by Reike » Wed Nov 29, 2017 3:12 am

At least he didn’t use a phrase of a bird and something with release. At least he didn’t die, and most importantly, he didn’t go fuck another woman.
So it was all my fault in the end. That’s new.
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Re: A leatherbound diary marked R.Hanistole

#206 Post by Reike » Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:26 pm

What do one do when the trove of trust has gone empty?

For a long time, I’ve been contemplating on whether or not to return to Starlight, it’s been swaying back and forth, yes and no. No and yes. Is there simply more for me to return to? When the trust is gone.
When I look back from the beginning to the end, it’s changed. Changed just like myself.

We all change, our degree of understanding each other changes. Everyone rubs each other the wrong way, at times you can look past it. But when it forces me to put the stone away each time I hear the grinding voices, each time I speak up and I get bile back. Then there’s nothing for me to return to.
When everything turns into a campfire discussion club, where everything is being discussed endlessly when there should be one who says, “Shut up, we’re doing it this way, don’t like it, take a hike.” But that’s not Starlight’s ways. They could surely need it at times.

If I look at the ones I socialize with, there’s one, maybe two. Perhaps three. Could I have tried more? Maybe, but that’s not how I am. If they can’t accept the whole of me, then, I am the one who’s taking a hike. I’ve disappointed plenty, and there’s more to come. I could make a long list, so long that I’d have enough list to wipe my arse in, for a whole year, of people I’ve disappointed and things I’ve done which then again has led to disappointment. I’m tired of having to apologize; I’m tired of having to get one rock thrown at me after another. Having to apologize for things there’s petty, there doesn’t need to be followed by an apology.

Trust means a lot to me, if I can’t trust a person, I can’t and won’t defend that person. If we find ourselves in a situation which requires of us, to watch out for one another, then the one I have distrust in, will get shoved off a ledge and I’ll make sure they don’t live to tell that I shoved them. It wasn’t like that back in the day, then I simply nodded, smiled and trusted. I’ve been scorn too many times for that to continue to happen.

Too many promises, too many “I’ll look into that, soon.” Has been left in the air for too long. That is a big bother, people forgetting small things, big things. What happens if they forget something important at the battlefield? Then the whole team dies. I’m not saying that’s to happen with Starlight, but forgetfulness, that’s a major issue - promises which has been broken is another. Too many promises made to me, has become shattered into shards which can’t be put together. Leaving the trust to fade away.

It starts and ends with trust, seems like trust is a big thing for me. Maybe that’s why I don’t do well in social aspects, it takes time for me to be able to let people in on the real me, on the face behind the masque that I wear.
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